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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the percentages of the Canadian workforce in five major industries in 1850 and 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart shows the percentages of the Canadian workforce in five major industries in 1850 and 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #percentages #canadian #workforce #five #industries #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar chart compares the percentage of
Canadian
Correct article usage
the Canadian
show examples
workforce
 in five fields
in
Change preposition
between
show examples
 1850 and 2020. All in all, services was the industry with the highest amount of
workforce
 in 2020
whereas
 manufacturing was the highest in 1850. The
workforce
 for energy/water was notably the lowest in both years. In 1850, manufacturing and services were the areas with the most
workforce
, with
manufaturing
Correct your spelling
manufacturing
came
Wrong verb form
coming
show examples
first,
accounting for 36% and 33% respectively. The number of
workforce
Change to a plural noun
workforces
show examples
 in agriculture/fishing followed next with just above 20%. The Canadian
workforce
 in construction and energy/water
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 the lowest with 5% and 3% respectively. In 2020,
services
Correct article usage
the services
show examples
 industry had the
most
Correct word choice
largest
show examples
 share of
workforce
Correct article usage
the workforce
show examples
 allocated at 81%,
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 in all fields over the period given.
In contrast
, there were only below 10% of
workforce
Add an article
the workforce
show examples
 in both manufacturing and construction.
Similarly
, industries working in agriculture and energy shared the same exact percentage of
workforce
Add an article
the workforce
a workforce
show examples
 which was only 1%.
Submitted by ameliahanakaru01 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words workforce with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • workforce composition
  • significant shift
  • increase/decrease in percentage
  • service industries
  • manufacturing
  • construction
  • noteworthy trends
  • tech industry
  • economic evolution
  • technological evolution
  • main features
  • comparisons
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