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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the percentages of male and female students getting top grades in 1960 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the percentages of male and female students getting top grades in 1960 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #percentages #students #grades #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The aforementioned two line graphs depict the proportion of
marks
 obtained by both
girls
 and
boys
 in 1960 and 2000. At a glance, it is
vivid
Correct word choice
clear
show examples
 that the highest number of top grades was obtained by
boys
 in 2000, standing at below half and the same percentage of
girls
 got
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
marks
 in
Arts
 in the year 1960.
Boys
 have a tendency
of getting
Change preposition
to get
show examples
 higher grades in math and science
whereas
girls
 pupils follow the trend of scoring
more
Rephrase
higher
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 languages and
arts
. In 1960, about 22% of male students got top grades compared to
girls
.
However
, the proportion of
boys
 having higher
marks
 dramatically declined in 2000, standing at 19%. Only a few
percentages
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 of
girls
 had breakbound and had the top score. From 1960 to 2000,
boys
’ top term in math reduced by 18%.
On the other hand
, approximately 30% of females obtained
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 higher score in the
arts
 in both years, which is one-fourth higher than
boys
’ tendency
of getting
Change preposition
to get
show examples
 higher
marks
 in 1960.
Number
Change the article
A number
The number
show examples
 of people getting
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
marks
 remained unchanged from 1960 to 2000 for male students and some of
females
Add an article
the females
show examples
 in languages dropped by 12%.
Overall
,
girls
 should
practice
Correct your spelling
practise
show examples
 more and more
for getting
Change preposition
to get
show examples
 higher
marks
 in maths and
boys
 should
keep
Verb problem
pay
show examples
 more attention
studying
Change preposition
to studying
show examples
Arts
.
Submitted by writing9common on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words marks, girls, boys, arts with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "stand" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentages
  • top grades
  • achievement
  • gender disparity
  • educational trends
  • academic performance
  • comparison
  • decade
  • educational policy
  • societal expectations
  • improvement
  • educational attainment
  • graduates
  • academic excellence
  • statistics
  • educational landscape
  • benchmark
  • parity
  • gender roles
  • historical data
  • performance indicators
  • educational improvements
  • longitudinal study
  • scholastic achievement
  • gender gap
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