IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Write a letter to an employment agency. In tour letter : Introduce yourself. Explain what sort of job you would like and say what experience and skills you have. Write at least 150 words

#employment #agency #tour #sort #job #skills
Dear Sir/Madam, I am writing
this
 letter to provide my information for applying the suitable positions. My name is Sim, I recently
got
Verb problem
apply
show examples
graduated from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
COT
college
Capitalize word
College
show examples
.In 2022,I came
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 Canada with no job
experience
 and skills but when I worked with different companies,I got
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
multiple skills and
experience
. So, I am a multi-tasking person, I worked at TRI as
Ophthalmic
Correct article usage
an Ophthalmic
show examples
 technician for one year. I got all the
experience
 to handle
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Add an article
the patient
a patient
show examples
patient
Fix the agreement mistake
patients
show examples
 and I
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
worked with
retinal
Add an article
a retinal
show examples
 specialist there but unfortunately for my
studies
Add a comma
studies,
show examples
 I quit that job. Now, I am available full-time Monday to Sunday. Am looking for
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 job in
medical
Add an article
the medical
show examples
 field as I do have
experience
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
using the machine
for example
 Optos,Octa,Oct,
IOP
Correct word choice
and IOP
show examples
. Team leadership is
my
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
one of
the
Change the word
my
show examples
 strongest
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
. If you need more information please feel free to ask. Hope to hear back soon
Correct the word
Yours
show examples
Your
Correct your spelling
Yours
show examples
 faithfully, Sim
Submitted by kaursaijbir on

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Coherence and Cohesion
The letter could benefit from clearer paragraph structure. Consider organizing it into distinct sections for introduction, experience, and job preferences.
Task Achievement
Ensure all parts of the task are fully addressed by highlighting your skills and experiences more specifically related to the job you're seeking.
Task Achievement
The letter provides a clear introduction and expresses your job preferences and experience effectively.
Task Achievement
The use of a formal tone is appropriate for a letter to an employment agency.
Coherence and Cohesion
The greeting and closing are suitable, maintaining a professional tone.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 150 words in writing task 1. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long letter will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 160 to 190 words in writing task 1. This will ensure a concise letter and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 20 minutes to write the letter and you need around 5 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long letter in 15 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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