IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

These days, people work in more than one job , and often change careers several times during their life. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this ?

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In today’s society, it is common for
people
Use synonyms
 who have several
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job
Change to a plural noun
jobs
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
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one
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 time. They
also
Linking Words
switching
Change the form of the verb
switch
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 their
career
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in
Change preposition
apply
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many times during their life. I stand with those who believe that having more than
one
Use synonyms
job
Use synonyms
 and changing
Use synonyms
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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 swiftly might offer many drawbacks.
Whereas
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
perspectives. On the
one
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 hand, working in more than
one
Use synonyms
job
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 and
switch in
Wrong verb form
switching
show examples
 a few times should be a positive development because
people
Use synonyms
 can earn more money through their different salary sources.
As a result
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, they can have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better
financial
Replace the word
finances
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 to provide
their
Change preposition
for their
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 needs.
On the other hand
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, in terms of having a
job
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, there are many obstacles that may impact when
people
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 have more than
one
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job
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, they could provide a lack of focus during
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
working time because of the multitasking activity.
For instance
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,
people
Use synonyms
 who have a lot of
Use synonyms
job
Change to a plural noun
jobs
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 could experience exhaustion
at the end
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 of the day, so they cannot concentrate to do their work properly.
Secondly
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, because of release more energy to do more than
one
Use synonyms
job
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, it could affect their health problems.
Moreover
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,
fast-changing
Correct article usage
a fast-changing
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career
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 can make some
people
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 cannot
mastering
Wrong verb form
master
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 a skill. To explain, being an expert in
one
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 thing,
people
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 must have a full concern
into
Change preposition
for
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 it, so they can have a well-developed skill. As we can see
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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in today’s work
requirement
Fix the agreement mistake
requirements
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, many
company
Change to a plural noun
companies
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 are hired an employee based on how long and good they
are having
Wrong verb form
have
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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work experience.
To sum up
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,
however
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 having a few careers and changing them frequently have some benefits, the drawbacks in
this
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 issue
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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outweigh the benefits. I believe that when we can choose our
career
Use synonyms
 wisely from an early stage, it
would
Wrong verb form
will
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 be good for our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
long-term
Correct your spelling
long term
show examples
.

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coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your paragraphs more clearly. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and logically develops one main idea.
task achievement
Try to use more specific examples to support your main points. This will make your arguments more convincing and help clarify your ideas.
language use
Aim to improve the variety of your vocabulary and use more advanced language structures. This will help you clearly express your complex ideas.
task achievement
The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of having multiple jobs and changing careers, which aligns well with the task response requirements.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion that frames the discussion well, providing a comprehensive view of the issue.
task achievement
The main idea is relevant and well-chosen as it addresses a common trend in modern society.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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