IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Computers and modems have made it possible for office workers to do much of their works from home instead of working in offices every day. Working from home should be encouraged as it is good for workers and employees. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#computers #modems #office #workers #works #home #offices #employees
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, most companies give their employees
option
Correct article usage
the option
show examples
 to choose their workplace, they can
work
Use synonyms
 from
home
Use synonyms
 using technology or go to offices where everybody
Use synonyms
work
Change the verb form
works
show examples
 together. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
Use synonyms
home
Correct article usage
the home
show examples
 office system should be more common among employers.
This
Linking Words
 essay completely disagrees with the statement. There are two vital
effecte
Correct your spelling
effect
effects
 which can affect
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 business lives negatively. To commence, one main demerit is the lack of
communicate
Replace the word
communication
show examples
 between workers, the team members will not be allowed to communicate with each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
 to help or learn from each other's mistakes,
moreover
Linking Words
, company productivity will decrease because of
this
Linking Words
 distance, when the team
work
Use synonyms
 together they share ideas, problems and solutions and there are many challenges they can face it together.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who
work
Use synonyms
 in the office can collaborate with their friends and improve their ideas by discussing their opinions.
As a result
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 at
company
Correct article usage
a company
show examples
 is more helpful for the workers.
In addition
Linking Words
,
work
Use synonyms
 from
Use synonyms
home
Add an article
the home
show examples
 system can
increases
Change the verb form
increase
show examples
 the number of lazy
people
Use synonyms
 in the community, they can get used to
Use synonyms
work
Change the verb form
working
show examples
 from bed
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
, they
also
Linking Words
 might wear pyjamas
while
Linking Words
 they are working, which is not matches the
work
Use synonyms
's requirements,
Linking Words
lastly
Add a comma
lastly,
show examples
 they will
missing
Wrong verb form
miss
show examples
 some movement in their day and will get used to setting
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 from
home
Use synonyms
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 the person
setting
Verb problem
sit
show examples
 in
chair
Add an article
a chair
the chair
show examples
 for at least 8 hours a day and his body will get tired.
As a result
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 from
home
Use synonyms
 causes health issues. In conclusion, development technology gives
people
Use synonyms
 many options in life, one of them being able to
work
Use synonyms
 without going to
company
Add an article
the company
a company
show examples
,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 option
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is easier in life but can
effect
Verb problem
apply
show examples
negatively on
people
Use synonyms
's communication and health.
Submitted by danall1kat on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary & Sentence Structure
Your essay lacks a diverse range of vocabulary and sentence structures. Try to use a more varied and complex vocabulary to articulate your points more effectively.
Grammar
There are a few grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement and incorrect verb forms. Review these errors and consider practicing grammar more to improve in this area.
Content Development
The essay presents two main points, but they could be elaborated on with more depth and specific examples.
Structure
The essay effectively presents a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the arguments properly.
Position Consistency
You clearly express your disagreement with the statement and maintain your position throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: