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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows the different levels of post-school qualifications in Australia and the proportion of men and women who held them in 1999. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the different levels of post-school qualifications in Australia and the proportion of men and women who held them in 1999. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The
given
Verb problem
apply
show examples
bar chart indicates the
rate
Use synonyms
 of men and women from Australia who were involved in five different levels of post-education credentials in the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1999.
Overall
Linking Words
, there were five categories of certifications among which the
rate
Use synonyms
 of male participants was the highest for
Skilled
Correct article usage
the Skilled
show examples
 Vocational
Diploma
Use synonyms
 category
whereas
Linking Words
 the lowest portion of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 participated in
Undergraduate
Correct article usage
the Undergraduate
show examples
Diploma
Use synonyms
. In
case
Correct article usage
the case
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 of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
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, the percentage was the highest
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 Undergraduate
Use synonyms
Diploma
Fix the agreement mistake
Diplomas
show examples
 but the lowest one was
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
Skilled
Correct article usage
the Skilled
show examples
 Vocational
Use synonyms
Diploma
Fix the agreement mistake
Diplomas
show examples
. It can be mentioned that male participants were involved mostly in
Skilled
Correct article usage
the Skilled
show examples
 Vocational
Diploma
Use synonyms
 with a value of 90%.
Conversely
Linking Words
, only 10%
Change preposition
of female
show examples
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 participated
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 that qualification. 70%
Change preposition
of female
show examples
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
made them
Verb problem
were
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 educated
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
Undergraduate
Correct article usage
an Undergraduate
show examples
Diploma
Use synonyms
 and reversely the
rate
Use synonyms
 was 35% for men. The second highest
rate
Use synonyms
 for men was 70%
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 Postgraduate
Use synonyms
Diploma
Fix the agreement mistake
Diplomas
show examples
 and for
women
Add a comma
women,
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 it was 50%
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
Bachelor's
Correct article usage
a Bachelor's
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 Degree.
In
Change preposition
For
show examples
 Masters
Degree
Add a comma
Degree,
show examples
 the
rate
Use synonyms
 was 60% for male and 40% for female candidates. In
Postgraduate
Correct article usage
the Postgraduate
show examples
Diploma
Use synonyms
 30%
Change preposition
of female
show examples
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
made them
Verb problem
were
show examples
 educated and
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
Bachelor's
Correct article usage
the Bachelor's
show examples
 Degree 45%
Change preposition
of male
show examples
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 took part.

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words rate, diploma with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • post-school qualifications
  • gender disparity
  • representation
  • overshadow
  • notable
  • predominantly
  • overall trend
  • significant
  • minimal gap
  • participation
  • comparison
  • qualification levels
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