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Writing Samples
Band 2

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themseleves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #children #part #group #activities #time #themseleves
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Some people believe that parents should inspire their
children
 to engage them in
group
 activities in their spare time. I personally believe that
while
 engaging in
group
 activities enhances their teamwork skill,
children
 should decide what they would like to do in their free time. Engaging in
group
 activities helps
children
 to develop their teamwork
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
. They learn and practice the necessary skills of working in a team. They become respectful
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
 of others
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and can make a
shared-decision
Correct your spelling
shared decision
show examples
. These skills help them in their future careers.
For example
, parents in India, engage their
children
 to take part in gardening as a
group
 activity in their neighbourhood. These
children
 become successful in teamwork in their future careers.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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introduction conclusion present
Consider adding a conclusion to summarize your points and restate your opinion.
complete response
Ensure that all points are thoroughly elaborated to achieve a more complete response.
logical structure
Improve logical flow between ideas by using linking words and phrases.
relevant specific examples
The example of gardening in India effectively illustrates the point about developing teamwork skills.
clear comprehensive ideas
The essay clearly states an opinion in the introduction, which is a good start.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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