IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Due to so many young people dropping out from school, the rate of unemployment is increasing, and it affects our society in different ways. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce this?

#people #school #rate #unemployment #society #pressures #measures
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The increasing dropout rate among
Correct your spelling
young
oung
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young
 people and its results
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
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 on unemployment is a multifaceted issue.
Capitalize word
In
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in
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In
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 my opinion,
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apply
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the
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apply
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 academic,
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and mental
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mental
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and mental
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health
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, as well as the social issues,
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as well
as
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and
show examples
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apply
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the
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apply
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social
issues
 is the causes of school dropout and unemployment. First of all,the academic challenges
is
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are
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 the most young
people
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people's
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diffculties
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difficulties
 to face,
students
 who struggle
academially
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academically
 may feel discouraged
choose
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and choose
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 to leave school.
Moreover
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Moreover,
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they
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the
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 lack of support,insufficient tutoring or mentoring can leave at-risk
student
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students
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 without the help they need.
Secondly
,
the
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apply
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 mental
health
issues
is
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are
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 one of the
reason
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reasons
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,schools should offer accessible mental
health
recources
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resources
 to help
students
 cope with challenges.
In addition
,the educating
atudents
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students
 about mental
health
 can reduce stigma and encourage seeking help.
Thirdly
,
the
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apply
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 social
issues
is
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are
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 one of the
reason
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reasons
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,
the
Change preposition
for the
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 family dynamic
such
 as instability or lack of parental support,the
students
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student's
students'
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 lack of
encourage
Replace the word
encouragement
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andunderstanding
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and understanding
.
Therefore
,
this
is
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apply
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a
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apply
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negative
influences
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influence
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 from peers can lead
students
 to disengage from their education.
overall
,the reasons why addressing the dropout crisis and rising unemployment
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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that
Correct word choice
apply
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the academic,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
 mental
health
as well
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
issues
.
Submitted by asllchkied on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure clarity of ideas by avoiding frequent grammatical errors that may obscure meanings.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to illustrate the main points more effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Strengthen logical structure by clearly defining how each of the reasons contributes to the issue.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have included an introduction and conclusion that help structure the essay well.
Task Achievement
The essay identifies academic challenges, mental health, and social issues as causes, which provides a clear framework for the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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