IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Due to so many young people dropping out from school, the rate of unemployment is increasing, and it affects our society in different ways. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce this?

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Introduction
The increasing dropout rate among
Correct your spelling
young
oung
Correct your spelling
young
 people and its results
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
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 on unemployment is a multifaceted issue.
Capitalize word
In
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in
Capitalize word
In
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 my opinion,
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apply
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the
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apply
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 academic,
Correct word choice
and mental
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mental
Correct word choice
and mental
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health
Use synonyms
Add the comma(s)
, as well as the social issues,
show examples
as well
Linking Words
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
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apply
show examples
social
issues
Use synonyms
 is the causes of school dropout and unemployment.
Body · 1
First of all,the academic challenges
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 the most young
people
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people's
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diffculties
Correct your spelling
difficulties
 to face,
students
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 who struggle
academially
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academically
 may feel discouraged
choose
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and choose
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 to leave school.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
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they
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the
show examples
 lack of support,insufficient tutoring or mentoring can leave at-risk
student
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students
show examples
 without the help they need.
Body · 2
Secondly
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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 mental
health
Use synonyms
issues
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 one of the
reason
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reasons
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,schools should offer accessible mental
health
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recources
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resources
 to help
students
Use synonyms
 cope with challenges.
In addition
Linking Words
,the educating
atudents
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students
 about mental
health
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 can reduce stigma and encourage seeking help.
Body · 3
Thirdly
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
 social
issues
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 one of the
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
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,
the
Change preposition
for the
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 family dynamic
such
Linking Words
 as instability or lack of parental support,the
Use synonyms
students
Change noun form
student's
students'
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 lack of
encourage
Replace the word
encouragement
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andunderstanding
Correct your spelling
and understanding
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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a
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apply
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negative
influences
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influence
show examples
 from peers can lead
students
Use synonyms
 to disengage from their education.
Conclusion
overall
Linking Words
,the reasons why addressing the dropout crisis and rising unemployment
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the academic,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
 mental
health
Use synonyms
as well
Linking Words
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
issues
Use synonyms
.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure clarity of ideas by avoiding frequent grammatical errors that may obscure meanings.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to illustrate the main points more effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Strengthen logical structure by clearly defining how each of the reasons contributes to the issue.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have included an introduction and conclusion that help structure the essay well.
Task Achievement
The essay identifies academic challenges, mental health, and social issues as causes, which provides a clear framework for the discussion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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