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Band 3

The graph below showa the population for India and China since the year 2000 and predictes population growth until 2050.

#showa #population #india #china #year #predictes #growth
The line graph presents
the
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apply
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information about India’s and China’s citizen growth since 2000
along with
 the estimation of its number until 2050.
Overall
,
Indian
Add an article
the Indian
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population
 is predicted to increase continuously over the next 50 years,
whereas
Chinese
Correct article usage
the Chinese
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population
 is forecasted to fall
down
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apply
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. In 2000, the number of Indian
people
 was 1,000
billion
 which
less
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is less
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 than Chinese
people
 around 2500
billion
. In 2010 and 2020, the
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
number of citizens
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 in both countries
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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in
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on
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 trend of rising
up
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apply
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, which can be seen
that
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as
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 the
population
 in India rose sharply to 1,200
billion
 and around 1,300
billion
 in order.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
show examples
 the
population
 in China grew up slowly to 1,350
billion
 and 1,400
billion
 in the same period. After that, the figures for India’s and China’s
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 were predicted to
high
Add a missing verb
be high
show examples
up
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apply
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and overlap
approximately
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by approximately
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 1,410
billion
 in 2030.
However
, the United Nations estimated that the number of
people
 in China will remain stable in 2040 and may decline a little around 100
billion
people
 in 2050.
Contrast
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In contrast
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 with the quantity of Indian
people
, which is forecast to rise
up
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to
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 about 100
billion
people
 in
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 10 years
and
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apply
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it may reach a peak at 1,600
billion
 by 2050.
Submitted by dondollaraus on

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task response
Improve grammatical accuracy, such as correcting 'billion' to 'million' when appropriate, as these are frequent errors.
task response
Provide more supporting details for the key points, especially when forecasting future trends.
coherence and cohesion
Try to develop a clearer introduction and a more distinct conclusion to enhance the essay's structure.
task response
Ensure that numerical data is accurate and consistently used throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repetitive phrases and redundancies to improve clarity.
task response
The overall trend for population growth in both countries is well-identified and communicated.
task response
The essay clearly describes changes over time, showing a good understanding of data trends.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is structured with a clear introduction and an overview, with main points supported by data.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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