Eating too much of sugar is harmful for health. Some people think that it is the responsibility of government to limit people's sugar consumption while others think that it is an individual responsibility to limit the amount of sugar they eat. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Consumption of
suger
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sugar
is too
comman
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common
thesedays
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these days
,
although
it is harmful
for
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to
show examples
health
. Some people believe that government should do something to
control
the usage of
sugar
,
while
others
thinks
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think
show examples
that it is the
responsibilty
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responsibility
of an individual to minimize the consumption of sweets. I believe that it should be controlled by
an individuals
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individuals
an individual
show examples
.
To begin
with, it is the duty of the government to
control
the
sugar
in the country because people are paying huge
amount
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amounts
show examples
of taxes to the local
authorites
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authorities
authority
so they have to provide better
health
services to their citizens.
For example
,
Singpore
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Singapore
is the country which banned the
advertisment
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advertisement
of cold drinks and things, which contains
the
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a
show examples
high level of
sugar
due to
that there are
less
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fewer
show examples
cases of diabetes as compared to other countries.
Thus
, limiting the
sugar
level can
rise
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raise
show examples
the fitness level of
humanbiengs
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human beings
.
On the other hand
, it is very hard for
government
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the government
show examples
to
control
every individual
sugar
usage because every person has their own preference and they have to right choose
whetever
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whatever
they want to purchase.
For instance
, many model and
sport
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sports
show examples
stars choose healthy food rather than eating food which
contain
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contains
show examples
sugar
because they know
sugar
is harmful
for
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to
show examples
their body .
Therefore
,people are responsible for
the
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their
show examples
health
. In conclusion,
although
some pupils
thinks
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think
show examples
that
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the governement
show examples
governement
Correct your spelling
government
governments
have
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has
show examples
to take some action to
control
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sugar
,
but
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apply
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
belief
Replace the word
believe
show examples
that every single person should take care of their diet and
health
.
Submitted by sahil22badhan on

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language
Work on eliminating small grammatical errors such as subject-verb agreement issues and word choice (e.g., "comman" should be "common" and "biengs" should be "beings").
task
Try to expand on the arguments more comprehensively. For instance, when discussing individual responsibility, illustrate more scenarios of personal choices limiting sugar.
coherence cohesion
Enhance paragraph structure by adding linking words to ensure ideas flow more smoothly between sentences and sections.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, which encapsulate the main argument effectively.
task
You have addressed both views on the topic and provided an opinion, fulfilling the basic requirements of task response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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