Some people regard video games as useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that video games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?
Nowadays, a lot of people
playing
Wrong verb form
play
video
games
, as
a result of it some argue that Correct word choice
and as
video
games
can be a useful educational tool, while
others believe that its
have a bad impact on those who Correct pronoun usage
they
playing
Change the form of the verb
play
it
. Correct pronoun usage
them
However
, in this
essay, I will discuss both perspectives and provide my own opinion.
On the one hand, playing video
games
by children teenagers can affect on
them in a Change preposition
apply
badly
way. Change the word
bad
Firstly
,this
tools can Correct determiner usage
these
effect
of brain and make them addicted to it, so Correct your spelling
affect
this
also
can influance
in their Correct your spelling
influence
personialty
, they may become not Correct your spelling
personality
personalty
a
Correct article usage
apply
scoial
children so they will not have many relationships. Correct your spelling
social
For example
, a study conducted by Oxford University revealed that kids who born
in Add a missing verb
were born
millennium
century, Correct article usage
the millennium
they are
Wrong verb form
were
addicated
to iPad and Correct your spelling
addicted
they
didn't Correct pronoun usage
apply
experiences
Change the verb form
experience
the
real life and have social lives. Correct article usage
apply
Moreover
, I firmaly
support the idea that digital Correct your spelling
firmly
games
have an adverse effect on who play
them.
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
On the other hand
, if the parents choose the right games
for their children it can be a beneficial tool for their kids and also
improve their character and rise
their focus. Correct your spelling
raise
For instance
, chess and other games
that depend on their attention and solve problems, then
it can be a valuable resourse
. Correct your spelling
resource
Therefore
, anyone should be careful of what he
Correct pronoun usage
they
plays
and Correct subject-verb agreement
play
watchs
, even kids their family should take care of them and always give them the things Correct your spelling
watches
watch
the
will help them in the future.
In conclusion, to play Correct your spelling
that
video
games
and have an
Correct article usage
apply
adavtages
of Correct your spelling
advantages
it
, the person must put a limit Correct pronoun usage
them
of
Change preposition
on
time
he will spend on Correct article usage
the time
it
, Correct pronoun usage
them
also
choose Correct word choice
and also
the
Correct article usage
apply
games
that include problems to solve and improving
his focus.Change the form of the verb
improve
Submitted by daliaakram35 on
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coherence cohesion
Try to use linking words or phrases consistently to better connect your ideas and paragraphs. This will help guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly.
task achievement
Some spelling and grammatical errors need attention. Proofreading your essay could help in identifying these issues and improving clarity.
task achievement
You've tried addressing both perspectives of the argument, which helps in presenting a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively sums up your main arguments and provides a clear stance on the topic, which is great.