Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
It is widely observed that a number of people decide to move out for work resulting in
seggregation
with their peers and families from their hometown, others suggested that it is unarguably true that certain Correct your spelling
segregation
aggregation
place
like high Fix the agreement mistake
places
economical
value Correct word choice
economic
is
worth Correct subject-verb agreement
are
to make
a living than others. Change the verb form
making
Hence
, I personally agree with the latter claim about the
relocation for the better job Correct article usage
apply
opportunites
and benefits will be discussed Correct your spelling
opportunities
further
in this
essay.
To begin
with, it seems sensible for some to believe that living away from family for the survival of poor financial status can be heartbroken
decision. Add an article
a heartbroken
the heartbroken
This
is possibly because when it comes to adulthood, majority
of Correct article usage
the majority
time
we Add an article
the time
spent
will Wrong verb form
spend
be dedicate
to office Change the verb form
be dedicated
hour
than with Fix the agreement mistake
hours
themselves
or Correct pronoun usage
ourselves
their
Correct pronoun usage
our
love's
Change noun form
love
one
. Correct pronoun usage
ones
This
is especially true for those who have high rank
positions where generally encounter Add a hyphen
high-rank
with
great responsibilities but Change preposition
apply
also
high in return: salary and benefits, that they could not denied
. In Change the verb form
be denied
deny
this
sense, there is
a Verb problem
apply
case
Fix the agreement mistake
cases
that
Change preposition
in
people
work Correct pronoun usage
which people
hard
that they Rephrase
so hard
were
unable to spare some time left to visit their Wrong verb form
are
families
Change noun form
family's
families'
meeting
or even worse, a family's death.
Fix the agreement mistake
meetings
However
, I strongly agree that moving away can be financially crucial, especially for those who are the breadwinner
of Fix the agreement mistake
breadwinners
the
Correct article usage
apply
low income
Add a hyphen
low-income
family
. To simply explain, the need to support themselves and Fix the agreement mistake
families
families
require them to seek for best opportunity in order to make Correct pronoun usage
their families
an
ends meet Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
inwhich
big cities or sub-urban areas generally Correct your spelling
and
matched
these. Many of Wrong verb form
match
which
agree that they would sacrifice family time to work as they believe that if they have enough money they can be financially independent in the future and able Correct pronoun usage
them
them
to reconnect with the family once again.
In a nutshell, Correct pronoun usage
apply
although
it is undeniable that the
Remove the article
apply
this
mobility for jobs can contribute to the loss of social contact that some might regret about it, I am of the opinion that the positive outcomes in terms of salaries outweight
its possible detrimental effects.Correct your spelling
outweigh
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. This will make your argument stronger and more convincing.
task achievement
Work on making your ideas clearer and more comprehensive. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to enhance clarity and coherence.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly states the topic and presents your viewpoint.
task achievement
You've made a good attempt to weigh both advantages and disadvantages, showing a balanced view.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.