IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some workers work for the same organization whole their life while others think it is better to work for different organizations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#workers #work #organization #life #organizations
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Some people believe that working for the same
company
 all their
life
 is more
siutable
Correct your spelling
suitable
stable
,
while
 others argue
that is
 better to
work
 for many different organizations.
This
 essay will discuss both points of view and explain why. In my opinion, you need to have many experience in different places in your career
life
. Those who support the idea that you can
work
 in many diverse
work
environment
Fix the agreement mistake
environments
show examples
 argue that you spend your whole
life
 working for the same organization. They believe
this
 because you can not gain skills and
enhace
Correct your spelling
enhance
 your performance if you stay at the same place.
For example
, a study at Harvard University shows that the most of employees in NYC
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
 who
are get
Change the verb form
are getting
show examples
 the best performance
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of the year in 2020
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have worked in different organizations before.
Additionally
, they learn a lot of
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
 different people.
On the other hand
, some people argue that you spend
whole
Correct pronoun usage
your whole
show examples
life
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 for the same
organzition
Correct your spelling
organization
organisation
. They suggest that
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 you lose your chance to try
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
new things. A good example of
this
 is me when I graduated
last
 three years I
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
worked for a law firm, and I got a
jop
Correct your spelling
job
 offer when I was
worked
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
, it is a good
company
 but I
decliened
Correct your spelling
declined
, which shows that I
fond
Correct your spelling
found
show examples
 myself without any development. In my opinion,
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 for different organizations is the better approach because you can learn new skills and meet new
indiviuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 and provides more practical advantages. In conclusion, both views have their merits, working for the same
company
 can make you suitable,
while
 working for different companies
improve
Correct subject-verb agreement
improves
show examples
 you in many ways.
However
, I believe that working in different places is the better choice because that can teach you the best things.
Submitted by reem.b.albalawi on

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task achievement
To improve Task Achievement, ensure that your points are more comprehensively developed. Though you touch on relevant points, expanding your arguments with more depth and examples could strengthen your essay. Also, clarify the reasons behind your opinion in the introduction as well as in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, focus on structuring your paragraphs more clearly. Use linking words or phrases to signal the progression of your ideas more effectively. Additionally, ensure each paragraph flows logically into the next to improve cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are appropriately present and frame your essay well, providing clear groundwork and a summary for your points.
task achievement
You have used a relevant example which supports the argument for working in different organizations, adding depth to that section.
task achievement
Your essay presents both sides of the argument, fulfilling the task requirement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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