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Band 6

The chart below show the percentage of people aged 23-65 in different occupations in one UK town (Ashby) and in the UK as a whole in 2008

The chart below show the percentage of people aged 23-65 in different occupations in one UK town (Ashby) and in the UK as a whole in 2008
#show #percentage #people #occupations #uk #town #ashby
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The two pie charts above illustrate the proportion of citizens who
aged
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are aged
show examples
 between 23 and 65 years old. in a variety of
jobs
Use synonyms
 in
Ashby
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, and in the UK as a whole in 2008
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the most occupied job in
Ashby
Use synonyms
 is personal service,
while
Linking Words
 in the UK office
work
Use synonyms
 has the biggest percentage. Looking at the information in more detail, the most filling
jobs
Use synonyms
 in
Ashby
Use synonyms
 are personal service with 21%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Office
work
Use synonyms
 comes in second place with 18%.
Also
Linking Words
, there are 16% of
Ashby
Use synonyms
's residents
work
Use synonyms
 in construction . And there are 14% of people in the town who
work
Use synonyms
 in shops.
In addition
Linking Words
, 9%
work
Use synonyms
 as technical engineers and 8% as professionals.
While
Linking Words
 there was 14% of unemployment in 2008. As for UK citizens as a whole. 19% of people
work
Use synonyms
 in the office. And 34%
work
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 in technical
jobs
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 or personal service.
While
Linking Words
 14%
work
Use synonyms
 as professionals. And 13% accupation in shops.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, 10% have construction
jobs
Use synonyms
. And there is 10% of people who do not have a job in 2008.
Submitted by reem.rz112 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words jobs, ashby, work with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Occupation
  • Distribution
  • Economy
  • Local vs National
  • Major employer
  • Educational institution
  • Balanced distribution
  • Skewed
  • Trends
  • Implications
  • Economic development
  • Social services
  • Educational planning
  • Employment landscape
  • Geographic location
  • Urban dynamics
  • Rural dynamics
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