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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that in many cities around the world there are constant traffic jams. How true do you think this statement is? What measures can governments take to discourage people from owning cars?

#car #ownership #thirty #years #cities #world #traffic #jams #measures #governments #people #cars
Nowadays,the
number
 of people using
cars
 has been significantly increasing especially,in the
last
 three decades.Since
cars
 were developed,they became one of the most popular
method
Change to a plural noun
methods
show examples
 of
transportation
due to
 their convenience causing traffic jams.The following paragraphs will be discussed as to whether
this
 is true and the solutions to
this
problem
. It is true to say that traffic jams are one of the major problems in many countries.Capital
cities
 or the
cities
 where people are crowded
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 suffered the most.
For instance
,in my city
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 three
kilometers
Change the spelling
kilometres
show examples
 can take an hour to commute during rush hour.
Consequently
,the incidence of
transportation
 accidents is
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
clear evidence of
this
problem
 because it has been accumulated rapidly owing to a growing
number
 of car owners. The ways to cope with
this
problem
 require multiple methods.
Firstly
,in order to persuade car users to take public
transportation
 ,the government should improve
this
 system so that it is easily accessible and the price is affordable.
Additionally
,Increasing the taxes on car purchases and the taxes on
cars
 entering capital
cities
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
also
 beneficial pushing them toward public
transportation
.
Moreover
,expanding the civilization to nearby
cities
 so there is no necessity
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 transport
resulting
Wrong verb form
resulted
show examples
 in
decreasing
Correct article usage
a decreasing
show examples
number
 of housing residents which lead to
Correct article usage
a decrease
show examples
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
number
 of
cars
. To summarize,it can be seen clearly that the
number
 of
cars
 has been rising rapidly and the government can deal with
this
problem
 by improving public
transportation
,increasing taxes and expanding civilization.
Submitted by chawanat.pla on

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coherence cohesion
To further enhance coherence, consider varying your sentence structures and using more linking words to connect ideas smoothly.
task achievement
In future essays, aim to develop each point more fully with explanations and examples for better clarity.
task achievement
The essay clearly addresses the task by discussing both the increase in car ownership and potential governmental measures.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are effectively constructed, helping to frame the essay clearly.
task achievement
The essay includes specific examples, such as the personal example of traffic congestion in the author's city, which helps illustrate the points made.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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