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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#men #women #education #britain #three #periods #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar graph illustrates the
amount
 of male and female genders that pursued higher studies either full-time or part-time in
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 Kingdom in three different time periods.
Overall
, part-time
education
 was much more popular than
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
. Over the years there was an increase in the
amount
 of
females
 in both full-time and part-time
education
,
whereas
,
males
 showed an increase in full-time
education
 and
flactuations
Correct your spelling
fluctuations
 in part-time in the same years.
To begin
 with, in part-time
education
males
 were highest
around
Change preposition
at around
show examples
 1000
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
 in the
year
 1970-1971 ,
whereas
,
females
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
it’s
 lowest
over
Change preposition
at over
show examples
 700
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
.
Then
, in the
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 1980-1981
amount
 of
males
at
Add a missing verb
was at
show examples
it’s
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 lowest roughly 900
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
,whilst,
females
 were less than 900
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
.
Finally
, the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
females
 was
it’s
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 highest
aproximately
Correct your spelling
approximately
 1100
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
 in the
year
 1990-1991 ,
while
,
males
 were over 900
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
.
In addition
 to that,in
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
education
Add a comma
education,
show examples
 the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
females
 was roughly increasing 50
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
 higher every
year
 from 1970-1971,1980-1981 till 1990-1991.
In contrast
,
males
 were at
it’s
Verb problem
their
show examples
 lowest around 100
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
 in
Change the article
the year
show examples
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 1970-1971 and highest
Change preposition
at aproximately
show examples
aproximately
Correct your spelling
approximately
 300
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
 in the
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 1990-1991. From 1980 to 1981, the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
males
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 around 200
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
.
Submitted by lithurshan10 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words amount, education, females, males, thousands, year, it’s with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 6 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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