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Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

#bar #percentage #australian #men #women #age #groups #activity #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The bar chart
compare
Change the verb form
compares
show examples
different
Correct article usage
the different
show examples
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 of
Australian
men
 and
women
 who did
regular
Add an article
a regular
the regular
show examples
 physical
activity
 in 2010. It is clear from the bar chart that
Australian
men
 do regular physical
activity
 has a
decrease
Change the verb form
decreasing
show examples
 trend
under
Change preposition
apply
show examples
,but the trend between 44 and 65 has consistently grown up as
men
 get older.
By contrast
,the figure for
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
show examples
 of
Australian
women
 doing regular physical
activitysaw
Correct your spelling
activity saw
 a rise between 15 and 54.
However
 percentage of
Australian
women
 after 54,
until decline
Change preposition
declined
show examples
 to 65 and over. The bar chart shows that there is a gradual decrease in
men
 who
regular
Add a missing verb
do regular
show examples
 physical
activity
.About 52.8% of
men
 aged 15 to 24 induce consistently to 35 to 44(39.5).
In addition
,the figure saw
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 increase
over
Change preposition
from
show examples
 35 to 44(39.5%) to 65 and over(46.7%).
By contrast
,
Australian
women
 who did regular physical
activity
 saw a rise between
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
15 to 24(47.7%) and 45 to 53(53.3%).When
women
 in older
age
,there is a gradual fall between 45 to 54(53.3%) and 65 and over(47.1%).
Absoulty
Correct your spelling
Absolute
,
men
 and
women
 are common in older
age
.
Submitted by a0953957266 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "by contrast".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, australian, men, women, activity with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradual" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Australian men
  • Australian women
  • Age groups
  • Regular physical activity
  • Participated
  • Increased
  • Decreased
  • Proportion
  • Physically active
  • Gender difference
  • Engaged
  • Exercise
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