The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

#bar #percentage #australian #men #women #age #groups #activity #summarise #information #features #comparisons

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The bar chart

compare

Change the verb form

compares

show examples

different

Correct article usage

the different

show examples

age

Fix the agreement mistake

ages

show examples

Australian

men

and

women

who did

regular

Add an article

a regular

the regular

show examples

physical

activity

in 2010. It is clear from the bar chart that

Australian

men

do regular physical

activity

has a

decrease

Change the verb form

decreasing

show examples

trend

under

Change preposition

apply

show examples

,but the trend between 44 and 65 has consistently grown up as

men

get older.

By contrast

,the figure for

percentage

Add an article

the percentage

show examples

Australian

women

doing regular physical

activitysaw

Correct your spelling

activity saw

a rise between 15 and 54.

However

percentage of

Australian

women

after 54,

until decline

Change preposition

declined

show examples

to 65 and over. The bar chart shows that there is a gradual decrease in

men

who

regular

Add a missing verb

do regular

show examples

physical

activity

.About 52.8% of

men

aged 15 to 24 induce consistently to 35 to 44(39.5).

In addition

,the figure saw

Change the article

show examples

increase

over

Change preposition

from

show examples

35 to 44(39.5%) to 65 and over(46.7%).

By contrast

Australian

women

who did regular physical

activity

saw a rise between

age

Fix the agreement mistake

ages

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

15 to 24(47.7%) and 45 to 53(53.3%).When

women

in older

age

,there is a gradual fall between 45 to 54(53.3%) and 65 and over(47.1%).

Absoulty

Correct your spelling

Absolute

men

and

women

are common in older

age

Submitted by a0953957266 on Tue Oct 29 2024

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "by contrast".

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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, australian, men, women, activity with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "gradual" was used 2 times.

▼

3
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

165 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Percentage
Australian men
Australian women
Age groups
Regular physical activity
Participated
Increased
Decreased
Proportion
Physically active
Gender difference
Engaged
Exercise

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The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

In today’s world many people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages? (KN)

Plastic bags, plastic bottles, and plastic packaging are bad for the environment. What damage does plastic do to the environment? What can be done by government and individuals to solve this problem?

Some people say History is one of the most important schoool subjects. Othert people think that, in todays world, subjects like Science and technolog are most important than History. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people focus on news in their country, while others think it is more important to be aware of international news. Discuss both views and give your opinion.