Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
Education
is an inseparable part of every individual and influences diverse spheres of life. Recently, it has been a controversial issue whether studying other additional subjects
in addition
to their school
curriculum is a good idea. This
essay will discuss both viewpoints and reveal my orientation towards this
statement.
On the one hand, opponents believe that additional curriculums deviate students
’ attention from major school
lessons. To put it differently, every extra lesson and course requires the dedication of time
and energy. Hence
, students
should decrease their allocating time
to school
subjects
to practice those extra courses and classes. Consequently
, they cannot efficiently study and pass their courses and also
it is far likely
to Correct quantifier usage
more likely
be failed
and even not Wrong verb form
fail
to
finish their academic Fix the infinitive
apply
education
. For example
, I remember the time
when I enrolled in three excess
classes, music, volleyball, and dance class. Despite the fact that I had been always a top student , my marks dramatically decreased in that educational year.
Correct word choice
apply
On the other hand
, proponents argue that school
subjects
are vital but not sufficient. To elaborate, students
need other skills which are essential in this
era, such
as ICDL, Yoga and marketing as well, to be successful in their careers and personal life
. Fix the agreement mistake
lives
Hence
, their future is not summarized into just academic education
, they should learn how to work with state-of-the-art equipment, to be healthy and develop financial management. For example
, if pupils who just learn physics, math and biology do not become an
Correct article usage
apply
expert
in financial management, they will definitely struggle with hard situations.
In conclusion, there is no doubt that academic Fix the agreement mistake
experts
education
is a crucial factor to
Change preposition
for
students
. However
, dedicating some time
to study further
subjects
is vital too. I believe that students
should enroll
in other excess classes to foster their skills.Change the spelling
enrol
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your ideas follow logically from one to the next, and consider adding more connecting phrases or transitions to guide the reader smoothly between them, especially between paragraphs discussing opposing views.
introduction conclusion
Provide a stronger conclusion that not only summarizes your points but also clearly states your opinion with perhaps a suggestion or a final thought on the topic.
supported main points
Make sure each paragraph clearly supports the main thesis with sufficient details and examples. Expand on your personal example to show precisely how managing both academic and extracurricular activities can be balanced.
complete response
You provided a balanced discussion of both views which shows a thorough understanding of the topic.
relevant specific examples
Your use of personal examples effectively illustrates your points, demonstrating a relevant and specific application of ideas.
introduction conclusion present
The essay is well-structured with clear introductory and concluding paragraphs, enhancing its overall comprehensiveness.