Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Education
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is an inseparable part of every individual and influences diverse spheres of life. Recently, it has been a controversial issue whether studying other additional
subjects
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in addition
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to their
school
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curriculum is a good idea.
This
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essay will discuss both viewpoints and reveal my orientation towards
this
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statement. On the one hand, opponents believe that additional curriculums deviate
students
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’ attention from major
school
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lessons. To put it differently, every extra lesson and course requires the dedication of
time
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and energy.
Hence
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,
students
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should decrease their allocating
time
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to
school
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subjects
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to practice those extra courses and classes.
Consequently
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, they cannot efficiently study and pass their courses and
also
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it is far
likely
Correct quantifier usage
more likely
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to
be failed
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fail
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and even not
to
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apply
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finish their academic
education
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.
For example
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, I remember the
time
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when I enrolled in three
excess
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apply
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classes, music, volleyball, and dance class. Despite the fact that I had been always a top student , my marks dramatically decreased in that educational year.
On the other hand
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, proponents argue that
school
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subjects
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are vital but not sufficient. To elaborate,
students
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need other skills which are essential in
this
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era,
such
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as ICDL, Yoga and marketing as well, to be successful in their careers and personal
life
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lives
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.
Hence
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, their future is not summarized into just academic
education
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, they should learn how to work with state-of-the-art equipment, to be healthy and develop financial management.
For example
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, if pupils who just learn physics, math and biology do not become
an
Correct article usage
apply
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expert
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experts
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in financial management, they will definitely struggle with hard situations. In conclusion, there is no doubt that academic
education
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is a crucial factor
to
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for
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students
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.
However
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, dedicating some
time
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to study
further
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subjects
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is vital too. I believe that
students
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should
enroll
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enrol
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in other excess classes to foster their skills.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your ideas follow logically from one to the next, and consider adding more connecting phrases or transitions to guide the reader smoothly between them, especially between paragraphs discussing opposing views.
introduction conclusion
Provide a stronger conclusion that not only summarizes your points but also clearly states your opinion with perhaps a suggestion or a final thought on the topic.
supported main points
Make sure each paragraph clearly supports the main thesis with sufficient details and examples. Expand on your personal example to show precisely how managing both academic and extracurricular activities can be balanced.
complete response
You provided a balanced discussion of both views which shows a thorough understanding of the topic.
relevant specific examples
Your use of personal examples effectively illustrates your points, demonstrating a relevant and specific application of ideas.
introduction conclusion present
The essay is well-structured with clear introductory and concluding paragraphs, enhancing its overall comprehensiveness.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
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