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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below depicts the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie charts below shows how electricity is used in an average home in the same country. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features,and make cmparison where relevant.

The graph below depicts the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie charts below shows how electricity is used in an average home in the same country. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features,and make cmparison where relevant.
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The graph emphasizes the usage of
electricity
Use synonyms
 in both winter and summer times
while
Linking Words
 the pie chart focuses on the utilization of
electricity
Use synonyms
 in a typical house in England.
Overall
Linking Words
, the usage of
electricity
Use synonyms
 reaches a peak during the
last
Linking Words
 hours in the hot and mid hours on chilly days
whereas
Linking Words
 most of the
electricity
Use synonyms
 tends to be used for keeping the rooms and water warm. During winter, the highest demand for
electricity
Use synonyms
 is in the
last
Linking Words
 three hours of the night which is shy of 50,000 units because of extreme cold.
On the other hand
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, slightly above 30,000 units are used in the early morning between 6 and 9 am, which is, somehow, the lowest in case of usage. Meanwhile, the summertime shows a more linear demand line compared to the winter where the peak hour is seen between the 12th and 15th hour when demand surges to 20,000 units.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, more than 52% of
electricity
Use synonyms
 is used for heating rooms and water. Kitchen appliances like ovens kettles and washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
 use 17.5% current
while
Linking Words
 15%
electricity
Use synonyms
 is used for operating lights, TV, and radio and the other 15% is used for keeping household machines like vacuum cleaners, food mixers, and electric tools active.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last, while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words electricity with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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