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Writing Samples
Band 7

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.
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The given bar chart, which depicts in great detail, illustrates the number of
men
Use synonyms
 and women in six
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 who exercised in Australia in 2010. The unit is based on percentage.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clearly observable that in all
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 how many
females
Change preposition
of females
show examples
 that did physical activity
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 more than the number of
males
Use synonyms
, except
Use synonyms
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
group
Use synonyms
 15 to 24. To commence with, the percentage of Australian
males
Use synonyms
 and females that did regular physical activity were as follow: in
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 25 to 34;
males
Use synonyms
(42.2%)-females(48.9%), in
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 35 to 44;
men
Use synonyms
(39.5%)-women(52.5%), in
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 45 to 54;
males
Use synonyms
(43.1%)-females(53.3%), in
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 55 to 64;
men
Use synonyms
(45.1%)- women(53%)
as well as
Linking Words
 in
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 65 and over;
males
Use synonyms
(46.7%)-females(47.1%).
Thus
Linking Words
, the number of women
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 more than how many
men
Use synonyms
in
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
did physical activity. On the flip side, unlike other
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
age
Add an article
the age
show examples
group
Use synonyms
 15 to 24 the amount of
males
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 more than the proportion of females

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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, age, groups, males, group with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical activity
  • Regular exercise
  • Age demographics
  • Participation rate
  • Trend analysis
  • Gender disparity
  • Health initiatives
  • Public health policies
  • Statistical comparison
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Work commitments
  • Age-related factors
  • Preventative health
  • Exercise habits
  • Surveillance data
  • Motivators and barriers
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