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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The diagram illustrates the steps and tools which are used in producing
cement
Use synonyms
,
as well as
Linking Words
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
show examples
 of
cement
Use synonyms
 in making concrete for construction.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clearly evident that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 there are five steps in producing
cement
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 concrete production has just one stage.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, raw materials are used in making concrete. For
cement
Use synonyms
 production,
nitially
Correct your spelling
initially
, limestone and clay are crushed in order to make powder. In the following, stage it is mixed in the mixer
befor
Correct your spelling
before
 going to the rotating heater through
pipe
Add an article
the pipe
a pipe
show examples
.
After
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, material which
is come
Wrong verb form
comes
show examples
 out of
rotating
Correct article usage
the rotating
show examples
 heater,
gone
Wrong verb form
goes
show examples
 through
grinder
Add an article
the grinder
a grinder
show examples
 and
it is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
become
Wrong verb form
becomes
show examples
cement
Use synonyms
.
Eventually
Add a comma
Eventually,
show examples
cement
Use synonyms
 is packed
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 bags. Moving to the next process,
firstly
Linking Words
, the
persentages
Correct your spelling
percentages
percentage
 of every
ingredients
Change to a singular noun
ingredient
show examples
 which is used in making
concreat
Correct your spelling
concrete
 are 15% for
cement
Use synonyms
, 25% for sand, 50% for small stones and 10% for water.
Then
Linking Words
, these
portion
Fix the agreement mistake
portions
show examples
 of ingredients are mixed in
concrete
Correct article usage
a concrete
show examples
 mixer in order to produce concrete.

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cement with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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