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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The given pie charts illustrate the proportion
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 various six continents of the world of
water
Use synonyms
 used divided into three categories industrial, agricultural and domestic
use
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is remarkable that agricultural
use
Use synonyms
 is the main factor of
water
Use synonyms
 in every area; meanwhile,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 minority of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
used
Wrong verb form
uses
show examples
water
Use synonyms
 for domestic
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with the industrial
use
Use synonyms
, the percentage was merely 7
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in Africa which was around 7 times less
as
Change preposition
than in
show examples
north
Capitalize word
North
show examples
America
Use synonyms
.
Similarly
Linking Words
, in
south
Capitalize word
South
show examples
America
Use synonyms
 the amount was 10
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 which is as twice
as
Correct quantifier usage
much as
show examples
Central
Change preposition
in Central
show examples
Asia
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 in Europe there was 53
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 which was 5 times much more than
Change preposition
in southeast
show examples
southeast
Capitalize word
Southeast
show examples
Asia
Use synonyms
. Moving to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
domestic
use
Use synonyms
, there was the exact same percentage in central
Asia
Use synonyms
 and southeast
Asia
Use synonyms
 at 7
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. In Africa was only 9
percent
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, the proportion in
north
Capitalize word
North
show examples
America
Use synonyms
, south
America
Use synonyms
 and Europe was 13, 19 and 15 respectively.
Linking Words
Lastly
Add a comma
Lastly,
show examples
 in agricultural
use
Use synonyms
, the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of people
used
Correct pronoun usage
who used
show examples
water
Use synonyms
 was 81, 84 and 88 in
southeast
Capitalize word
Southeast
show examples
Asia
Use synonyms
, Africa
along
Linking Words
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
central
Capitalize word
Central
show examples
Asia
Use synonyms
 respectively. In Europe, there was
modest
Correct article usage
a modest
show examples
 15
percent
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 in
south
Capitalize word
South
show examples
America
Use synonyms
 there was 71
percent
Use synonyms
 which was just under the amount in
north
Capitalize word
North
show examples
America
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words water, use, percent, america, asia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • water consumption
  • agricultural, industrial, domestic
  • usage patterns
  • developed vs developing regions
  • irrigation systems
  • climate factors
  • percentage breakdown
  • water management
  • sustainability
  • residential water use
  • efficiency
  • charts comparison
  • water-intensive
  • water scarcity
  • resource allocation
  • desalination
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