Some people think that the main purposes of school is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather to benefit them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Education and educational institutes
are
Verb problem
play
show examples
pivotal
role
Change the noun form
roles
show examples
in
lives
Correct article usage
the lives
show examples
of children.
Such they
Correct word choice
They
show examples
ensure children get quality
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
studies to support their future.
However
, people are debating over
purpose
Correct article usage
the purpose
show examples
of education, whether these schools are helping
Add an article
the pupil
show examples
pupil
Fix the agreement mistake
pupils
show examples
to be good working residents of the
country
or support to
mold
Change the spelling
mould
show examples
them to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
show examples
of themselves. Hereby, I believe that
eduaction
Correct your spelling
education
is actually in form to shape students to be
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better countrymen. I will discuss
reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
show examples
for my agreement
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
following
Change the article
the following
show examples
discussion. First of all, academies are formed in a way that whatever is taught in classes, directly or indirectly inspires the learner to be loyal and supportive
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
country
, they are living in. Plus pupil
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
being fed with information
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
growing
industires
Correct your spelling
industries
in a particular region and how they can serve the
country
to their best. Just to make them more motivated they are being educated about
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
of being a good worker.
For example
, there are no two countries in the world with
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
same educational system because they are made
according to
requirements
Correct article usage
the requirements
show examples
of the nation.
Hence
, it is not wrong to say that
actual
Correct article usage
the actual
show examples
motive of schools is to make them good
labourer
Fix the agreement mistake
labourers
show examples
.
Whereas
, there are some
debators
Correct your spelling
debtors
who disagree with
this
and say that schooling is
truely
Correct your spelling
truly
helping youngsters to have unique individuality but it should be taken into consideration that
this
thing
also
prove
Change the verb form
proves
show examples
to be some kind of advantage to the nation, believe it or not.
For instance
, if learners
get
Verb problem
have
show examples
excellent communication skills, leadership qualities and all other abilities to get a job in
homeland
Correct article usage
a homeland
show examples
, still they are being
asset
Add an article
an asset
show examples
to that land.
Thus
, saying studies are forming the future labourers is accurate.
Lastly
, whatever is
case
Add an article
the case
show examples
,
anykind
Correct your spelling
any kind
of information and learning given to scholars is actually an investment for the upcoming time for
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
itself. If
this
was not the case not so many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
countries might
not
Rephrase
apply
show examples
be interested in
free
Correct article usage
a free
show examples
eduction
Correct your spelling
education
show examples
system.
Submitted by preetsimran0123 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
To achieve higher task response scores, try to maintain a balanced argument. Consider giving equal weight to both views in the question and argue each point convincingly before concluding with your position.
task response
Work on providing more relevant examples to support your arguments. This could strengthen your task achievement score. Personal anecdotes or specific studies/workplace examples can add depth to your essay.
coherence and cohesion
While the essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, there's room to develop the logical structure of argument between paragraphs further. Ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly will improve coherence.
coherence and cohesion
To promote greater cohesion, use more transition words or phrases. This will help link ideas more effectively throughout your essay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, both contributing positively to the structure.
task achievement
The essay addresses the main topic and presents your viewpoint clearly at the beginning, which is great for task response.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • socialize
  • instilling values
  • tolerance
  • respect
  • cooperation
  • good citizenship
  • workforce
  • skills
  • curriculum
  • civic knowledge
  • governmental processes
  • responsibilities of citizenship
  • personal development
  • creativity
  • individual talents
  • individual growth
  • self-confident
  • innovative thinkers
  • dual role
  • nurturing passions
What to do next:
Look at other essays: