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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in China in four periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in China in four periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The provided bar chart illustrates the proportions of Chinese males and females studying in
further
Linking Words
education
Use synonyms
 (full-time or part-time) during the
20-years
Correct your spelling
20-year
 period.
Overall
Linking Words
, the percentages of men studying part-time
education
Use synonyms
 declined,
while
Linking Words
 those of full-time
education
Use synonyms
 inclined.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the
numbers
Use synonyms
 of women enrolling in part-time
education
Use synonyms
 were as same as those of full-time study. In 1970 and 1971, the
numbers
Use synonyms
 of men studying part-time and full-time
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
 stood at 100,0000 and close to 100,000. From 1980 to 1981, those
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
enrolling in part-time study dropped to about 900,000,
while
Linking Words
 those studying in full-time
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
 increased to around 200,000. In 1990 and 1991, the figures
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 part-time and full-time studies both climbed up to nearly 950,000 and 300,000. The
Use synonyms
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of female students studying in part-time and part-time
education
Use synonyms
 started at almost 790,000,
while
Linking Words
 those of full-time study
stuidents
Correct your spelling
students
 stood at around 90,000 in 1970. During the
21-years
Correct your spelling
21-year
 period from 1980 to 1991, the
numbers
Use synonyms
 of part-time and full-time
education
Use synonyms
 climbed up gradually, standing at almost 1200,000 and close to 390,000.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words education, numbers with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "climbed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stood" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Further education
  • Full-time study
  • Part-time study
  • Trends
  • Participation
  • Distribution
  • Disparities
  • Proportions
  • Growth
  • Policy changes
  • Cultural shifts
  • Gender equity
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