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Band 5.5

It is often clamied that women have achieved greater freedom and have access to the same oppurtunities as men.The pie charts below show some employment patterns in Korea.

It is often clamied that women have achieved greater freedom and have access to the same oppurtunities as men.The pie charts below show some employment patterns in Korea.
#women #freedom #access #oppurtunities #men #show #employment #patterns #korea
The two pie charts below illustrate some employment motifs in Great Britain in 1992. The overwhelming majority of females and males choose non-manual
work
 at least 69
percent
, which has a big score on the female pie chart and just upper one-half in
male
Add an article
a male
the male
show examples
 pie chart. Females
work
 at clerical or related
work
 more
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
, and the figures were 31
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and six
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 respectively.
Furthermore
, three
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of females
work
 at craft or similar jobs,
whereas
 the males
work
 at least 24
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
In addition
, the most popular
work
 among all people is managerial and professional jobs, which are almost equal to each other.
Furthermore
, the general labourers and other manual
works
Replace the word
workers
show examples
 are almost equal in
2
Correct article usage
the 2
show examples
charts.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "furthermore".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words work, percent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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