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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The pie chart compares the percentages of males and females who were arrested between 1990 and 1994, while the bar graph illustrates the main reasons for recent arrests.

The pie chart compares the percentages of males and females who were arrested between 1990 and 1994, while the bar graph illustrates the main reasons for recent arrests.
#percentages #males #females #bar #arrests
The pie charts depict how
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
show examples
 both
women
 and
men
 were arrested for four years, beginning from 1990,
while
bar
Correct article usage
the bar
show examples
 graphs illustrate what phenomenons cause
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
arrestment.
Overall
, more male arrestees were under
arrest
 than female arrestees.
Moreover
, the
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
prime reason for
arresting
Replace the word
arrest
show examples
 was
drink
Wrong verb form
drunk
show examples
 driving in both gender categories. In 1990, the
persentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of
men
 who were around triple more than
women
 arrested, accounted for 32% and 9% respectively.Both
men
Change noun form
men's
show examples
 and
women
's
arresments'
Correct your spelling
agreements
 main cause was
drink
Wrong verb form
drunk
show examples
 driving, making up around 36% for
women
 and 31% for
men
.
Furthermore
, males' speeding percentage made up approximately 26%, being
second
Correct article usage
the second
show examples
 phenomenon for recent
arrest
Fix the agreement mistake
arrests
show examples
,
while
 females'
assulting
Correct your spelling
assaulting
 was
second
Correct article usage
the second
show examples
popular
Correct quantifier usage
most popular
show examples
 cause for being under
arrest
,
levelled
Wrong verb form
levelling
show examples
 off
roughly
Change preposition
at roughly
show examples
 20%. On top of that, about 16% of
assulting
Correct your spelling
assaulting
, 17% of breaking and entering and roughly 20% of jaywalking were
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 common reasons for males' arrestment.
However
, for females,
rate
Correct article usage
the rate
show examples
 of
arrest
 because of all causes: speeding, breaking and entering, petty theft,
jaywalking
Correct word choice
and jaywalking
show examples
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 less than females' level irrespective of
drink
Replace the word
drunk
show examples
 driving,
assult
Correct your spelling
assault
 and no answer.
Submitted by Writing9 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words women, men, arrest with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼

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