The table below shows the results of an airline survey in 2002 of economy class business travelers.The number indictes how many male of female passengers in each age group rated a particular feature as their most important in-flight consideration.

The table below shows the results of an airline survey in 2002 of economy class business travelers.The number indictes how many male of female passengers in each age group rated a particular feature as their most important in-flight consideration.
The table illustrates the number of people in different age
groups
who are above or below 45 years old and
also
are categorized into male or female value in-flight
features
as their top priority concern.
Overall
,it can be seen that the majority of people regardless of gender or age rate
seat
/
legroom
as their most important except the younger female
group
votes for attendant/service.
To begin
with,three out of four
features
which are
seat
/
legroom
,meals/drinks and attendant/service have nearly equal selection from all
groups
.
That is
to say,the younger female
group
selects attendant/service the most which just over a third.Followed closely by
seat
/
legroom
and meals/drinks accounting for 30% and 26% respectively.
Also
,the older female
group
chooses both of these three
features
at approximately over 30% each.The male
groups
value
seat
/
legroom
more than female
groups
which are just under 40% in the younger
group
and nearly half in the older
group
.The other
features
these male passengers rate nearly a fourth in both
groups
.
However
,movies/In-flight entertainment has a minority of passengers choose.The younger ones regardless of gender tend to prefer more which is 10% in females and 10% in males.
Lastly
,the older
group
has the least consideration occupying 4% each.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words groups, features, seat, legroom, group with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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