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Band 5.5

The bar chart below shows the percentage e of Australian women and men in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2019. Summarises the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relavent

The bar chart below shows the percentage e of Australian women and men in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2019. Summarises the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relavent
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The graph illustrates physical
activities
Use synonyms
 performed by Australian people of different age groups in 2019.
Overall
Linking Words
, both graph shows fluctuations in performing physical
activities
Use synonyms
. The number of female participants surpasses male participants throughout the year. The
proportion
Use synonyms
 of males (15-24
years
Use synonyms
) shows the maximum physical exercise
that is
Linking Words
 more than 50%,
while
Linking Words
 the three female groups (35-64
years
Use synonyms
),
also
Linking Words
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
 percentages greater than 50%. The age
group
Use synonyms
 of 35-44
years
Use synonyms
 in
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 has the least interest in performing physical
activities
Use synonyms
,
that is
Linking Words
 around 39%.
while
Linking Words
 the 65 and over
proportion
Use synonyms
 of females shows, less interest in exercise,
that is
Linking Words
 between 45-50%. The major difference
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
activities
Use synonyms
 noted between both genders is
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
35-44 tears, where females
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 more than 50% as compared to
male
Correct article usage
the male
show examples
group
Use synonyms
, which is around 39%. 65 and over is the only age
group
Use synonyms
 where the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of both genders remains the same (45%).In
female
Add an article
the female
show examples
group
Use synonyms
, the graph remained steady between 35
years
Use synonyms
 to 64
years
Use synonyms
 and shows
Use synonyms
proportion
Correct article usage
a proportion
show examples
 higher than 50%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "that is, while".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words activities, proportion, years, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remains" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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