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Writing Samples
Band 6

The bar chart below shows of expeditures for five major categories in the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, and Japan in the year 2009.

The bar chart below shows of expeditures for five major categories in the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, and Japan in the year 2009.
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The bar chart compares the five different aspects of capital and recurrent expenditure rates of America,
Canada
Use synonyms
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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 Great Britain, and
Japan
Use synonyms
 during the year
of
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apply
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2019.
Overall
Linking Words
,it can be seen that mainly had been spent on food,housing construction, and transportation,
while
Linking Words
 healthcare and clothing had been paid
at a least
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at least
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 percentage by all of the four countries.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
Correct article usage
the united
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united states
Correct your spelling
United States
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 served with 25% for constructing accommodation,
while
Linking Words
Canada
Use synonyms
 had funded
for
Change preposition
apply
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that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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of
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apply
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just
with
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apply
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over one-fifth ,
whereas
Linking Words
 it was
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Canada
Use synonyms
's largest proportion ever in
expending
Verb problem
spending
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 in 2019.
However
Linking Words
,
Japan
Use synonyms
 had offered
with
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apply
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approximately 23% for food items,
while
Linking Words
 only the United Kindom allocated one-fifth.
Then
Linking Words
,in the transmission
services
Add a comma
services,
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 20% had been budgeted by
Canada
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,in comparison half of that
of
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apply
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had been spent by
Japan
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.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
a
Correct article usage
apply
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 less amount of funds were given for
uniform
Correct article usage
the uniform
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and
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apply
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textile,and medical sectors by all
the
Correct article usage
apply
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four governments,which
always
Add a missing verb
were always
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 less than one-tenth.Nearly 7% had been allowed by
United
Correct article usage
the United
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 States for medical requirements,
whereas
Linking Words
other
Correct article usage
the other
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 three legimates allowed
lesser
Correct word choice
less
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 than 5%. The Fabric sector had been sponsored
roughly
Change preposition
by roughly
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with
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apply
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5% only by
Canada
Use synonyms
,the United Kindom, and
Japan
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words canada, japan with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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