IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in China in four periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in China in four periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart illustrates the difference between males and females in
further
Linking Words
education
Use synonyms
 in China whether they were studying full-time
education
Use synonyms
 or part-time
education
Use synonyms
. From an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective, it is clearly seen
both
Use synonyms
 genders prefer to study part-time
education
Use synonyms
. Part-time
education
Use synonyms
 experienced an upward trend throughout the period.
While
Linking Words
 full-time
education
Use synonyms
 showed a downward trend.
Both
Use synonyms
 male and female rates had some fluctuations. Commencing with the year 1970 , part-time showed a significant rise with men to 1000 thousand.
While
Linking Words
 full-time rates increased sharply throughout the period .
Moreover
Linking Words
, in the middle years of 1980 increased by around 850 . Interestingly ,
both
Use synonyms
 men and women remained stable in
both
Use synonyms
 years at exactly 850. Part-time
education
Use synonyms
 for women increased sharply to 1050 higher compared to the number of the first year. Meanwhile, full-time for women was hitting a low - point in the year 1970 . Followed closely , just below 200 . Afterwards, it grew by roughly 250 .

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words education, both with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Further education
  • Full-time study
  • Part-time study
  • Trends
  • Participation
  • Distribution
  • Disparities
  • Proportions
  • Growth
  • Policy changes
  • Cultural shifts
  • Gender equity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: