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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in China in four periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in China in four periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#men #women #education #china #four #periods #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The
barchart
Correct your spelling
bar chart
 illustrates the number of individuals who studies on part-
time
 and full-
time
 higher
education
 in China.
While
 the average
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
woman
show examples
women
 is
showed
Change the form of the verb
shown
show examples
 by
gray
Change the spelling
grey
show examples
color
Change the spelling
colour
show examples
, the average
men's
Fix the agreement mistake
man's
show examples
showing
Verb problem
apply
show examples
color
Change the spelling
colour
show examples
 is black.
Overall
, it is presented that, the
overall
 average of part-
time
education
 among both men and
women
, was significantly higher
compare
Replace the word
compared
show examples
 to full-
time
education
 between 1970
to
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 1991.
Firstly
,
While
, the average of
women
 who studied both part-
time
 and full-
time
during
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1990
to1991
Correct your spelling
to 1991
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 the highest, the lowest average was related to
full-
Correct your spelling
full-time
show examples
time
 and
part-
Correct your spelling
part-time
show examples
time
education
 by
opproximatly
Correct your spelling
approximately
 100,000 and
near
Change the word
nearly
show examples
 800,000
person
Change to a plural noun
people
show examples
,
prespectively
Correct your spelling
respectively
.
Moreover
,
Although
,
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1980 to 1981 the average of
female
Add an article
a female
the female
show examples
 generation who studied full-
time
 was a bit
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
higher than 200,000, the
women
Correct quantifier usage
number of women
show examples
 who studied part-
time
 was about 800,000
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
.
On the other hand
,
While
 the
most
Change the adjective
apply
show examples
highest average of men who studied
full-
Correct your spelling
full-time
show examples
time
 was a
littel
Correct your spelling
little
 above 200,000
during
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1990 to 1991, the highest average
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 part-
time
education
 was 1000,000
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 in 1970 and 1971. It is noticeable that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 between 1980 to 1981 the average of
male
Add an article
a male
the male
show examples
 generation who studied
part-
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
 was decreased
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to 1990 and 1991.
Submitted by mahanz on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall, while".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words education, women, time with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compare" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Further education
  • Full-time study
  • Part-time study
  • Trends
  • Participation
  • Distribution
  • Disparities
  • Proportions
  • Growth
  • Policy changes
  • Cultural shifts
  • Gender equity
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