IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Governments and big companies should work together to reverse environmental damage, rather than expecting individuals to take responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#governments #companies #work #damage #individuals #responsibility
Governments and huge companies ought to cooperate at work to reduce environmental detrimental better than expecting people to take responsibility.
From
Change the preposition
In
show examples
 my opinion,
this
 essay
agree
Change the verb form
agrees
show examples
 with the first statement
due to
 the probability that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
governments and companies can
change
 the
environment
 easily,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 nations and establishments have
high
Add an article
a high
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 effect on residents' awareness.
Firstly
, if the countries and organizations work together,
hence
, they will
change
 the
environment
 and the infrastructure easily because of the high public expenditure on the cities,
moreover
, the high technology will be used to decrease carbon emissions. To illustrate,
a
Change preposition
in a
show examples
study conducted a decade ago, companies and
government
Fix the agreement mistake
governments
show examples
which were
collaborate
Wrong verb form
collaborated
show examples
, they success
at
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in
show examples
 reducing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
carbon because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
capabilities
such
 as money and workforce, owing to
this
, they
be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 capable
to
Change preposition
of changing
show examples
change
 the buildings in cities in little time and it had all the aspects for helping the
environment
 like engines work with electricity
Secondly
, nations and establishments have superior competence in changing citizens'
mindset
Fix the agreement mistake
mindsets
show examples
 by doing advertisements
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 televisions, Social Media and
advertisements
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisement
show examples
 signs on the streets,
in addition
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 can do some classes in educational areas to raise adolescents' thinking.
For instance
, a book established 5 years ago, talked about how to
change
 individuals thinking, it talked about doing plenty of advertisements could convince anybody
switch
Add the particle
to switch
show examples
 to the other ideas.
To sum up
, countries and organizations can do impressive factors on
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
 because of the high position they have, changing the constructions to help the
environment
 and awareness campaigns, these are
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
 examples of the high position.
Submitted by bajahzar90 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your arguments are clearly linked from sentence to sentence and paragraph to paragraph.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or statistics to back up your claims, enhancing the argument's persuasiveness.
task achievement
Work on sentence structure and grammar to express ideas more clearly.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear opinion supporting the view outlined in the statement.
coherence cohesion
A suitable introduction and conclusion frame the essay well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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