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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the proportions of British students at oen university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010.

The charts below show the proportions of British students at oen university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010.
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The given pie chart represents the percentage of
british
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British
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students
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 at
a
Change the article
an
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 institution in England who can speak
languages
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 other than
English
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 in 2000 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
 we can notice that there were various other
languages
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 that
students
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 know apart from
English
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 .
And
Correct word choice
apply
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Spanish was at majority among these
languages
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.
Linking Words
also
Add a comma
also,
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 we can notice that in
later
Add an article
the later
a later
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year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
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 there
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 less ratio of
undergrats
Correct your spelling
undergrads
undergrad
 who do not know other
languages
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beside
Replace the word
besides
show examples
Use synonyms
Change the capitalization
English
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english
Change the capitalization
English
show examples
 starting with 2000, as
mention
Wrong verb form
mentioned
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 earlier Spanish was the most famous among
this
Linking Words
language
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 (30% ).Moving forward
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of
students
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 who know
german
Capitalize word
German
show examples
 and other
languages
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 were
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 (10%).
Also
Linking Words
, the person
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 of
university
Add an article
the university
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participating
Replace the word
participants
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 who
knows
Correct subject-verb agreement
know
show examples
 another
language
Use synonyms
 were (15%). Meanwhile,
one fourth
Add a hyphen
one-fourth
show examples
 of
students
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 cannot speak any other
language
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beside
Replace the word
besides
show examples
English
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. probing
further
Linking Words
 in 2010, the amount of Spanish
speaker
Fix the agreement mistake
speakers
show examples
 increased to 35% .Surprisingly German, France and other
languages
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speaker
Fix the agreement mistake
speakers
show examples
 became
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 (10
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 moving ahead) .The percentage of
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
language
Use synonyms
 speakers became 20 figure witnessed .

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, languages, english, language with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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