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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the proportions of British students at oen university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010.

The charts below show the proportions of British students at oen university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010.
#show #proportions #british #students #oen #university #england #languages #addition #english
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The given pie chart represents the percentage of
british
Change the capitalization
British
show examples
students
 at
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 institution in England who can speak
languages
 other than
English
 in 2000 and 2010.
Overall
 we can notice that there were various other
languages
 that
students
 know apart from
English
 .
And
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
Spanish was at majority among these
languages
.
also
Add a comma
also,
show examples
 we can notice that in
later
Add an article
the later
a later
show examples
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 there
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 less ratio of
undergrats
Correct your spelling
undergrads
undergrad
 who do not know other
languages
beside
Replace the word
besides
show examples
Change the capitalization
English
show examples
english
Change the capitalization
English
show examples
 starting with 2000, as
mention
Wrong verb form
mentioned
show examples
 earlier Spanish was the most famous among
this
language
 (30% ).Moving forward
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of
students
 who know
german
Capitalize word
German
show examples
 and other
languages
 were
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 (10%).
Also
, the person
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 of
university
Add an article
the university
show examples
participating
Replace the word
participants
show examples
 who
knows
Correct subject-verb agreement
know
show examples
 another
language
 were (15%). Meanwhile,
one fourth
Add a hyphen
one-fourth
show examples
 of
students
 cannot speak any other
language
beside
Replace the word
besides
show examples
English
. probing
further
 in 2010, the amount of Spanish
speaker
Fix the agreement mistake
speakers
show examples
 increased to 35% .Surprisingly German, France and other
languages
speaker
Fix the agreement mistake
speakers
show examples
 became
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 (10
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 moving ahead) .The percentage of
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
language
 speakers became 20 figure witnessed .
Submitted by poonam.tushir0099 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, languages, english, language with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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