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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Directors’ large organisations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees. Some people think it is necessary, but others believe that it is unfair

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
The
company
Use synonyms
 must
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
consider
Correct article usage
the apropriate
show examples
apropriate
Correct your spelling
appropriate
salary
Use synonyms
 for their
employees
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 some people argue that it is unfair if the
director's
Change the noun form
directors
director
show examples
 get higher
Use synonyms
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
 than new
employees
Use synonyms
, I side with those who feel that the
executive
Use synonyms
 leader should
get
Verb problem
have
show examples
 earn
high
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
salary
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
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, the
executive
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
leaders
Change to a genitive case
leader's
leaders'
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position
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need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 high
qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
show examples
. It is well-known,
some
Correct word choice
that some
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 directors usually need to meet the requirements
such
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 as 5 years
experience
Change preposition
of experience
show examples
 as
operational
Add an article
an operational
show examples
leader
Fix the agreement mistake
leaders
show examples
 and have passed
asseessment
Correct your spelling
assessment
assessments
 competency as
director's
Change noun form
directors
show examples
 in the
company
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the director
Linking Words
also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
 given
high risk
Add a hyphen
high-risk
show examples
 responsibility which is
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 need to think
strategies
Change preposition
of strategies
show examples
 for
company
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 sustainability. So, It is
worthly
Correct your spelling
worthy
show examples
 if the directors get
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
salary
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becuse
Correct your spelling
because
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
resposibility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
company
Use synonyms
 should consider high
salary
Use synonyms
 for
executive
Use synonyms
leaders
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
show examples
because
Add the preposition
because of
show examples
 their
qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
show examples
.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, sometimes new
employees
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also
Linking Words
 have experiences which
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
 much less as directors.
Besides
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 that, certain positions
also
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 held high
resposibility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
, so maybe they deserve
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
salary
Use synonyms
 too.
In addition
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, operational
Use synonyms
leaders
Change noun form
leaders'
leader's
show examples
Use synonyms
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
show examples
 as
manager
Fix the agreement mistake
managers
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also
Linking Words
 have significant
role
Fix the agreement mistake
roles
show examples
 in the
company
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.
Aditionally
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, the
company
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 need to consider
equitabel
Correct your spelling
equitable
 for all
employees
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that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the
salary
Use synonyms
 appropriate for their responsibilities.
This
Linking Words
 means
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
new
Correct word choice
that new
show examples
employees
Use synonyms
 in certain
Use synonyms
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
show examples
 should get
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
salary
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is necessary to consider appropriately the
salary
Use synonyms
 structure for all
employees
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 3
In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
excecutive
Correct your spelling
executive
leaders
Use synonyms
 need to
pays
Change the verb
pay
show examples
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
Use synonyms
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
 because
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 competency,
does'n
Correct your spelling
doesn't
 out the possibility that ordinary
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 maybe
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 high competency too.
Therefore
Linking Words
, on balance, I remain firmly
Conclusion
convinced that the
executive
Use synonyms
 leader should
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
earn
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
salary
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Enhance the grammatical range and accuracy. Some sentences contain minor grammatical errors which could affect clarity.
task achievement
Develop your supporting arguments with more specific and detailed examples to strengthen your response.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by ensuring smoother transitions between points and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively outlines and summarizes the argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a logical structure with distinct paragraphs for different points, making it relatively easy to follow.
task achievement
The main points are relevant and address the task prompt, discussing both views on the topic.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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