IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The cart below shows the history graduate did after graduation degree from a unversity in the UK.

The
given
Verb problem
apply
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pie
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chart
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 illustrates the types of jobs History graduates did after their
graduation
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 from a university in the UK. The table shows the employment sectors and the average income of new graduates working after
graduation
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.
Overall
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,
according to
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 the
pie
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chart
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, the majority of the
students
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 worked full-time after their
graduation
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 and other
students
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 did part-time work and postgraduate studies.
According to
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 the table,
students
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 who worked as historians and solicitors earned more and the majority of
students
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 worked as history teachers and in other sectors.
According to
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 the
pie
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chart
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, around 56% of
students
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 worked full-time and around 15% of
students
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 worked part-time after
graduation
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. In terms of postgraduate studies, 7% of
students
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 studied full-time and 4% of
students
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 studied part-time.
Moreover
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, 12% of
students
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 remained unemployed and for the rest of
6
Correct article usage
the 6
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%
Add a comma
%,
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there is no data.
According to
Linking Words
 the
pie
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chart
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, the majority of
students
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 worked as history teachers and earned around 57000 pounds sterling
average
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on average
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.
Students
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 who worked as solicitors earned the highest which was 57000 pounds sterling. Only 9% of
students
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 worked as historians and earned around 49,000 pounds sterling.

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, consider using a clear introductory phrase for your overall findings in the pie chart and the table. This will help guide the reader through the analysis smoothly.
task achievement
Ensure all data mentioned in the essay directly correspond to the visuals provided, especially in aspects related to employment sectors and income. This will enhance the accuracy and task achievement of the response.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear description of the data, correctly identifying trends and making logical comparisons between sectors and employment types.
coherence cohesion
There's a strong logical structure in the essay, with a good balance of both the pie chart and table information.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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