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Writing Samples
Band 5

The chart below shows what Anthropology graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree course. The table shows the salaries of the anthropologists in work after five years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows what Anthropology graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree course. The table shows the salaries of the anthropologists in work after five years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#anthropology #graduates #university #course #salaries #anthropologists #work #five #years #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The
given
Verb problem
apply
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pie chart shows the career paths chosen by university
graduates
Use synonyms
 with an anthropology degree.
Additionally
Linking Words
, there’s a table that details their income levels five years post-graduation.
Overall
Linking Words
, the majority of these
graduates
Use synonyms
 secured full-time employment,
while
Linking Words
 the least popular choice was part-time
work
Use synonyms
 combined with postgraduate study. Within the income brackets, the government sector had the highest percentage of individuals earning
100,000or
Correct your spelling
100,000 or
 more.
Conversely
Linking Words
, private companies saw the most
graduates
Use synonyms
 earning between100,000ormore.
Conversely
Linking Words
, private companies saw the most
graduates
Use synonyms
 earning between 25,000 and $49,999. Breaking down the statistics: 52% of anthropology
graduates
Use synonyms
 went into full-time
work
Use synonyms
. Only 5% chose a combination of part-time
work
Use synonyms
 and postgraduate study. For other categories, 15% were in part-time
work
Use synonyms
, 12% were unemployed, and 8% each were in the categories of unknown status and full-time postgraduate study. Regarding income distribution, half of the
graduates
Use synonyms
 working in the government sector were earning over 100,000 five years after graduating.
In contrast
Linking Words
, most
graduates
Use synonyms
 in private sector roles earned between 100,000
five
Correct word choice
and five
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 years after graduating.
In contrast
Linking Words
, most
graduates
Use synonyms
 in
privates
Fix the agreement mistake
private
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ector
Correct your spelling
sector
 roles earned between 50,000 and 74,000. It′s noteworthy that only 574,000. It′snoteworthythatonly525,000 to $49,999,
whereas
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 group made up 10% of those in private companies.
Submitted by mkhdermani on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "conversely, in contrast".
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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words graduates, work with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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