Employers should give their workers at least one month’s holiday a year, as it makes them better at their job. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Holidays play an important role in human lives.There are some individuals who opine that
employer
Fix the agreement mistake
employers
show examples
should offer them
one
month break every year
whereas
, few masses
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
differently.In the following
paragraphs
Add a comma
paragraphs,
show examples
this
essay will delve into both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
arguments .
However
,
personally
Add a comma
personally,
show examples
I agree with the former view. To commence with. let us shed light on the benefits of
break
Add an article
a break
the break
show examples
when
individual
Add an article
an individual
show examples
got
Wrong verb form
gets
show examples
from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work
.
Firstly
,an individual spend
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
quality time with their
families
which often they spend because longer hours they spend in
office
Correct article usage
the office
show examples
with their
work
.
Secondly
, when
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
show examples
got
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
break
Add an article
a break
the break
show examples
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
their
work
that time helps
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individual to think about
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
as in
office
Correct article usage
the office
show examples
it is not possible because their mind
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
busy
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
work
.
Lastly
, people can
fullfil
Correct your spelling
fulfil
their dreams
to explore
Change preposition
of exploring
show examples
different parts of the world because they have more days to spend time on
hoildays
Correct your spelling
holidays
.To cite an example,research conducted by the University of British Columbia in Vancouver
2012
Change preposition
in 2012
show examples
on a group of 100
families
asserted that 10% of
families
went
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
travelling when they got
one
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
month
Change noun form
month's
show examples
break from their office.
Hence
, break helps
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
to
strong
Replace the word
strengthen
show examples
their cordial relationship with their
families
.
On the other hand
.Let us examine the latter view.First and foremost ,when an individual
got
Wrong verb form
gets
show examples
long
Add an article
a long
show examples
break from
work
it
create
Change the verb form
creates
show examples
Correct article usage
an inbalance
show examples
inbalance
Correct your spelling
imbalance
show examples
between
work
and personal life. In
worst
Correct article usage
the worst
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
situation
Add a comma
situation,
show examples
this
break become
one
of the
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
behind conflicts among
families
.
Furthermore
, a gap in
work
also
put
Verb problem
has
show examples
detrimental
Add an article
a detrimental
show examples
adverse effect on individual life because individual physical activity stops when
person
Add an article
a person
the person
show examples
remains all the day at home.
Consequently
, a person may face stress and mental
disorder
Fix the agreement mistake
disorders
show examples
diseases
Correct word choice
and diseases
show examples
.To explicate, an article published by Benjamin Bradlee on the Washington Post in
Newyork
Correct your spelling
New York
show examples
asserted that 5% of people go through mental
disorder
Fix the agreement mistake
disorders
show examples
when they spend most hours at home without doing any physical activity. To recapitulate, it
be
Change the verb form
is
show examples
asserted that
one
month
Change noun form
month's
show examples
break might
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individuals to explore the world with their
families
.
Nevertheless
, a person may
faced
Change the verb form
face
show examples
serious diseases
such
as stress and mental
disorder
Fix the agreement mistake
disorders
show examples
when physical activities
recorded
Add a missing verb
are recorded
show examples
less in masses during
stay
Correct pronoun usage
their stay
show examples
at home.
Submitted by navdeepbajaj89 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from clearer separation between ideas and paragraphs. Consider clearly dividing your main points into separate paragraphs for better structure.
coherence cohesion
Try to make the transition between your ideas smoother to connect your points more seamlessly. This will improve the overall flow of your essay.
task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea and that this idea is clearly presented and supported by examples or evidence.
task achievement
Clarify your examples and provide more relevant evidence where possible. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that provide a good foundation.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both perspectives, which shows a balanced understanding of the topic.
task achievement
You provided research-based reasoning to support your view, which adds credibility to your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • recuperation
  • rejuvenation
  • employee welfare
  • morale
  • job performance
  • innovation
  • burnout
  • retention
  • work-life balance
  • sabbatical
  • productivity
  • sustainability
  • staff turnover
  • down time
  • skill acquisition
  • organizational culture
  • job satisfaction
  • workflow management
  • strategic planning
What to do next:
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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