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Band 6.5

The table below shows the percentage participation of women in senior management in three companies between 1975 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows the percentage participation of women in senior management in three companies between 1975 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The table illustrates the percentage of women in senior management roles across three companies
Eldan
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Ltd
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,
Bamforth
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Ltd
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, and
Finsbury
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Ltd
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 over a 40-year period from 1975 to 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, there was a significant
increase
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 in the proportion of female senior management positions in
Eldan
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Ltd
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 and
Bamforth
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Ltd
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the
increase
Use synonyms
 was smaller in
Finsbury
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Ltd
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.
Eldan
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Ltd
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 showed the most dramatic growth over the years. In 1975,
Eldan
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Ltd
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 had the lowest participation of them, at just 3%, compared to
Bamforth
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Ltd
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 at 9% and
Finsbury
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Ltd
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 at 16%.
This
Linking Words
 percentage showed no significant change in 1980, but there was an
increase
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 to 14%
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1985 and
continue
Wrong verb form
continued
show examples
 to grow consistently to reach 64% in 2015.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 percentage made they were the highest
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 participation of female senior managers by the end of the period.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
Bamforth
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Ltd
Use synonyms
 showed a slower
increase
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, starting at 9% in 1975 and rising to 13% in 1985.
Then
Linking Words
, they slowly grew to 46%
at the end
Linking Words
 of
period
Add an article
the period
a period
show examples
 in 2015.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Finsbury
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Ltd
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 showed only a slight improvement, starting at 16% in 1975, the amount
fluctuates
Wrong verb form
fluctuated
show examples
 slightly but reached only 26% in 2015. In conclusion,
Eldan
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Ltd
Use synonyms
 and
Bamforth
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Ltd
Use synonyms
 had good improvements year-on-year in female participation in senior management, with
Eldan
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Ltd
Use synonyms
 leading the trend.
However
Linking Words
,
Finsbury
Use synonyms
Ltd
Use synonyms
 had slower progress in achieving representation.
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words eldan, ltd, bamforth, finsbury, increase with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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