IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

you and your colleague would like to use a company room for staff break times but you need the managers permission. write a letter to your manager in your letter you should: explain the advantages of having a room for staffbreak times,suggest which room would be most suitable and why and say what changes to the room would be necessary

#colleague #company #room #staff #times #managers #permission #manager #staffbreak #changes
I hope
this
 email finds you well. I'm writing to propose the establishment of a dedicated work break room. I believe that
such
 a space would significantly enhance employee well-being and productivity. Room 4 would be an ideal location for
this
 purpose. With a few simple modifications, we can transform it into a comfortable and inviting area. We can add comfortable seating, a water cooler, a microwave, and perhaps some plants to create a calming atmosphere. A dedicated break room can offer numerous benefits. It can help reduce stress, enhance social interaction, and boost productivity. By providing a space for employees to relax and recharge, we can create a more positive and productive work environment. I'm open to discussing
this
 proposal
further
 and exploring additional ideas. Thank you for your time and consideration. Sincerely,
Submitted by henikeassociates on

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task response
Consider providing more specific details about how the break room will directly benefit both the staff and the overall company performance.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure all paragraphs are clearly distinguished by ideas to improve the clarity of the writing.
coherence and cohesion
The letter is structured logically, presenting a proposal, suggesting a location, and addressing the benefits.
task response
Great use of a professional and courteous tone throughout the letter.
coherence and cohesion
The greeting and closing are properly and politely articulated.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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