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Band 5

Some people think that it is a good thing for senior management positions to have much higher salaries than other workers in a company. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #management #positions #salaries #workers #company
While
 it is unarguable that employees in senior management
positions
suppose
Wrong verb form
are supposed
show examples
 to receive larger sums than others in a company, some argue that other workers
also
 deserve more recognition as well.
Hence
, I couldn't agree more with the former statement as it is a reward for
greater
Correct article usage
the greater
show examples
 responsibility they carried and
reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
show examples
 will be
elaborate
Correct your spelling
elaborated
show examples
 on in
this
 essay.
To begin
 with, it seems sensible for some to
against
Add a missing verb
be against
show examples
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the rise of salaries connected with the higher hierarchy.
This
 is possibly because they only perceive
such
high status
Add a hyphen
high-status
show examples
positions
 as '
thinker
Fix the agreement mistake
thinkers
show examples
' unlike other '
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
' who
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 believed to make the business run. In
this
 sense, some might view
this
 as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unfair treatment as they are the
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 who literally do the job. Take the head manager in the office,
for example
; their role is only to assign, lead the team and follow up with the project from their member.
However
, I personally support in favour of highly-paid salaries for the seniors seeing that they took all the responsibility as a whole department
not
Add the comma(s)
, not
show examples
 for their
personal's
Change noun form
personal
show examples
 profile.
Therefore
, it is understandable that as a
consequences
Correct the article-noun agreement
consequence
show examples
 of longer time and work experience in the field
making
Verb problem
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 undoubtedly deal with any
cicumstance
Correct your spelling
circumstances
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
a professional manners
Correct the article-noun agreement
a professional manner
professional manners
show examples
. The manager in the restaurants,
for instance
, when their staff doing something wrong the manager will be the one who
resolve
Change the verb form
resolves
show examples
 the situation
such
 as
negotiate
Wrong verb form
negotiating
show examples
 and even
take
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
responsiblity
Correct your spelling
responsibility
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the mistake they have not
done
Verb problem
made
show examples
.
This
 is the reason why they get paid
higher
Correct word choice
more
show examples
 than other
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
 since they
carried
Wrong verb form
carry
show examples
 more weight and risks. In a nutshell,
although
 it is undeniable that senior
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
show examples
 often
got
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
critism
Correct your spelling
criticism
 from the lower-level
positions
 especially the earnings they get, I am of the opinion that these
positions
 play an important role
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the company not only because of their seniority but its the professionalism they have deal with certain problems.
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on

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Improvement
Improve sentence structure and grammar. Ensure each sentence is clear and grammatically correct to enhance readability and clarity.
Improvement
Provide more balanced arguments. Consider presenting a counterargument and refuting it to showcase a thorough understanding of the topic.
Improvement
Some ideas are repeated. Ensure each paragraph presents unique, relevant points to maintain reader engagement and illustrate comprehensive coverage.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion present, guiding the reader through the essay's argument.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the question and provides a stance, acknowledging different sides of the argument.
Task Achievement
Relevant examples included to support claims, particularly about responsibility in senior positions.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Senior management
  • Salary disparity
  • Incentives
  • Income inequality
  • Organizational culture
  • Career progression
  • Employee morale
  • Compensation
  • Financial success
  • Decision-making
  • Responsibility
  • Merit
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