The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.
In the
last
decade, one of the severe problems has been overweight Linking Words
children
's numbers have risen by one-fifth percentage in Western cultured Use synonyms
countries
. It is a considerable issue for the future of human society. Use synonyms
As a result
, many Linking Words
countries
should pay attention to Use synonyms
children
's health because it depends on less Use synonyms
movement
and the Use synonyms
use
of high technology.
A primary factor contributing to many people nowadays has gained weight from a young age than before—the rationale behind that It depends on physical Use synonyms
movement
and their lifestyle. Use synonyms
For example
, Linking Words
this
century described a social era and highly developed technology gives an advantage to become easier hard work. Everybody doesn'Linking Words
t
need to work physically, particularly kids who don'Use synonyms
t
have to do Use synonyms
movement
. Use synonyms
Therefore
, it is evident that many Linking Words
children
gain weight because they stay at home and lack Use synonyms
movement
.
Equally important is the role some Use synonyms
children
like to stay home and don'Use synonyms
t
go outside. Because they can Use synonyms
use
high technology from home, every student can Use synonyms
use
social media platforms, especially since they don'Use synonyms
t
need to go outdoors and meet face-to-face friends. A clear example is that in the USA in 2016, the rate at which parents used cars thrice increased rapidly. The most significant phenomenon is many parents drop off and pick up their Use synonyms
children
at school only by private vehicle. Use synonyms
Children
Use synonyms
use
public transport less and walk less in Western society.
In conclusion, in some highly developed Use synonyms
countries
, the obesity rate in Use synonyms
children
is significantly higher. As highlighted in Western Use synonyms
countries
, the government has to consider that issue because their young adults have faced complex health problems. It plays a pivotal role in Use synonyms
children
's health problems and will affect the future negatively.Use synonyms
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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay would benefit from a more logical progression of ideas. In some places, the transition between sentences and paragraphs can be smoother to ensure the reader can follow your argument easily.
Task Response
Make sure to use more specific examples to strengthen your argument. Including data, studies, or more detailed situations could enhance the credibility and clarity of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
You provide a clear introduction and conclusion, setting the stage for your argument and summarizing your points effectively.
Task Response
Your essay successfully addresses the question by discussing both causes and effects, which shows a good understanding of the task requirements.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.