The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by ‎almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this ‎disturbing trend.

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we will Discuss the causes of e why overweight
children
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percentage in
western
Capitalize word
Western

The word western should be capitalized in this context.

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society has started to increase in the
last
Linking Words

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10 years by 20%. on the one hand , one of the causes for
children
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being overweight in Western society
,
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apply

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is
the
Correct article usage
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not healthy
food
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.
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In

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in other words
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eating
food
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with a lot of fat and oil makes the
weight
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increase For
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example example

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exampleexample
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example

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,
the
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apply

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fast
food
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is the main cause of overweight study
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pushed
plushed
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found

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in
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at

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New York University that 80% of
children
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who eat fast
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food food
foodfood
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food

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have more
weight
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than
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who

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eat
a
Correct article usage
apply

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healthy
food
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on the other hand
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. not move in a normal way or play in out said
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Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

withe
Correct your spelling
with

The word withe doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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other
kids
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, and just stay
it
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at

The word it doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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home and watch
tv
Correct your spelling
TV

The word tv doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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or play
wiht
Correct your spelling
with

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them
Change the pronoun
their

It appears that the personal pronoun them should be in the possessive form. Consider changing it.

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phone all the time are overweight .
along with
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

. sport is an an important thing for a good health and a good
weight
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. in my opinion,
the
Correct article usage
apply

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parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents

It seems that parent may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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should
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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Correct your spelling
care
caer
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care

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about their
children
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's
weight
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and their
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Use synonyms

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Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

kids
Change noun form
kid's
kids'

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

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roten
Correct your spelling
rotten

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like what
did
Unnecessary verb
apply

The verb did appears to be unnecessary here.

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Correct your spelling
they
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the
Correct your spelling
they

The word the doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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do and eat
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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a healthy
Remove the article
healthy food
a portion of healthy food

The indefinite article, a, may be redundant when used with the uncountable noun food in your sentence. Consider removing it.

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food
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

with a lot of protein
for example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

and making a plan for their
children
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is
a
Change the article
an

The article a may be incorrect. Consider changing it to agree with the beginning sound of the following word important.

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important thing and don't make
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply

The indefinite article a may not be required with the plural noun kids in this sentence. Consider removing the article, or changing the noun to singular.

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kids
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

play with a phone
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Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

withe
Correct your spelling
with

The word withe doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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a long time or just make them
an
Replace the word
and

Oops! It looks like you meant and instead of an. Consider adding a d.

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a tv , the need to go out said and play
Use synonyms
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

withe
Correct your spelling
with

The word withe doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply

The indefinite article a may not be required with the plural noun kids in this sentence. Consider removing the article, or changing the noun to singular.

show examples
kids
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

Use synonyms
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

withe
Correct your spelling
with

The word withe doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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a same age and do sport in every day to move
them
Change the pronoun
their

It appears that the personal pronoun them should be in the possessive form. Consider changing it.

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body, in my opinion,
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

are
Change the verb form
is

The verb are does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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one of important steep for a good
weight
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks clarity in expressing the ideas. It requires a clear structure and progression with logically connected sentences. Consider using linking words and phrases (e.g., 'however,' 'as a result,' 'furthermore') to enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but need strengthening for a higher band. Ensure the introduction clearly outlines the main points, and the conclusion sums up key ideas effectively.
task achievement
Some points lack sufficient support or examples. Try to provide more relevant and specific examples to back up your arguments.
task achievement
You have addressed the task by discussing both causes and effects of the increase in overweight children.
task achievement
The essay includes personal opinion and suggestions, indicating an effort to provide a comprehensive response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyles
  • advancements in technology
  • physical activities
  • availability
  • popularity
  • fast food
  • high-calorie
  • marketed aggressively
  • preferred choice
  • lack of awareness
  • education
  • healthy eating habits
  • nutritional values
  • dietary choices
  • physical
  • psychological
  • risk
  • developing
  • serious health problems
  • diabetes
  • high blood pressure
  • heart disease
  • bullying
  • social isolation
  • low self-esteem
  • depression
  • anxiety
  • long-term impact
  • quality of life
  • personal and professional life
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