The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.
we will Discuss the causes of e why overweight
children
percentage in western
society has started to increase in the Capitalize word
Western
last
10 years by 20%.
on the one hand , one of the causes for children
being overweight in Western society,
is Remove the comma
apply
the
not healthy Correct article usage
apply
food
.
Correct your spelling
In
in other words
eating food
with a lot of fat and oil makes the
weight
increase For Correct your spelling
example example
exampleexample
, Correct your spelling
example
the
fast Correct article usage
apply
food
is the main cause of overweight
study Correct your spelling
pushed
plushed
Correct your spelling
found
in
New York University that 80% of Change preposition
at
children
who eat fast Correct your spelling
food food
foodfood
have more Correct your spelling
food
weight
than who
eat Correct pronoun usage
those who
a
healthy Correct article usage
apply
food
on the other hand
. not move in a normal way or play in out said withe
other Correct your spelling
with
kids
, and just stay it
home and watch Correct your spelling
at
tv
or play Correct your spelling
TV
wiht
Correct your spelling
with
them
phone all the time are overweight . Change the pronoun
their
along with
. sport is an an important thing for a good health and a good weight
.
in my opinion, the
Correct article usage
apply
parent
should Fix the agreement mistake
parents
the
Correct article usage
apply
Correct your spelling
care
caer
about their Correct your spelling
care
children
's weight
and their kids
Change noun form
kid's
kids'
roten
like what Correct your spelling
rotten
did
Unnecessary verb
apply
Correct your spelling
they
the
do and eat Correct your spelling
they
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
a healthy
Remove the article
healthy food
a portion of healthy food
food
with a lot of protein for example
and making a plan for their children
is a
important thing and don't make Change the article
an
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
kids
play with a phone withe
a long time or just make them Correct your spelling
with
an
a tv , the need to go out said and play Replace the word
and
withe
Correct your spelling
with
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
kids
withe
a same age and do sport in every day to move Correct your spelling
with
them
body, in my opinion, Change the pronoun
their
this
are
one of important steep for a good Change the verb form
is
weight
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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks clarity in expressing the ideas. It requires a clear structure and progression with logically connected sentences. Consider using linking words and phrases (e.g., 'however,' 'as a result,' 'furthermore') to enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but need strengthening for a higher band. Ensure the introduction clearly outlines the main points, and the conclusion sums up key ideas effectively.
task achievement
Some points lack sufficient support or examples. Try to provide more relevant and specific examples to back up your arguments.
task achievement
You have addressed the task by discussing both causes and effects of the increase in overweight children.
task achievement
The essay includes personal opinion and suggestions, indicating an effort to provide a comprehensive response.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.