IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organizing group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #parents #children #part #group #activities #time
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Some believe parents should motivate their
children
 to be a part of group activity during free
time
while
 others are of the idea of letting
children
 be on their own.
Although
 being alone gives
children
 the
time
 to work on their hobbies and
encourage
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
show examples
 them to be self-sufficient, I believe
involving
Replace the word
that involvement
show examples
 in team
acts
Replace the word
activities
show examples
 can teach
kids
 to be great team players and later help them become good members of society. First and foremost, it is important for
children
 to spend
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 so that they can work on their hobbies.
That is
 to see,
children
 develop certain creative hobbies
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
their
Change the word
an
show examples
 early
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
, which
helped
Wrong verb form
help
show examples
 them become
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
expert
Fix the agreement mistake
experts
show examples
 and and earn respect in society by using these skills for their
benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
show examples
.
For example
, the famous music singer Adele
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
told
Verb problem
said
show examples
 in her interview that she used to practice singing
song
Fix the agreement mistake
songs
show examples
during
Change preposition
apply
show examples
her
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
during her childhood which developed her interest in
this
 career.
Moreover
, self-sufficiency is another benefit of
someone on one
Replace the word
one-on-one
show examples
time
 for
children
 as the developers of maturity and a soulful bond with their own company.
To
Change preposition
In
show examples
 contrast, parents should convince
children
 to participate in activities,
organ
Correct your spelling
organised
show examples
 by their peers to teach them the value of being a team player. Being in a thing motivates
kids
 to absorb and understand how their peers act and how to achieve a goal by taking support from their fellow teammates.
Furthermore
, early childhood involvement in
such
 activities
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
 crucial for their
overall
 development as the prestige member of society.
For instance
, in Vietnam, parents or play
date
Fix the agreement mistake
dates
show examples
 for their
kids
, where they give them one task to achieve, and
at the end
 of the task, reward them with their favourite treats. In conclusion, promoting alone
time
 is a good way of ensuring
growth
Add an article
the growth
show examples
 of the
kids
,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 I believe keeping them accompanied by their fellows has more significance.
Submitted by arvindpreet5040 on

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task achievement
Enhance the essay by providing more specific examples to strengthen main points, particularly those supporting group activities' benefits.
coherence cohesion
Consider improving the logical flow between ideas, as some transitions may appear abrupt.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
task achievement
Ideas are generally clear and expressed in a comprehensive manner, especially when discussing the benefits of group activities.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • occupied
  • organized
  • group activities
  • benefits
  • social
  • teamwork skills
  • interpersonal skills
  • friendship
  • discipline
  • time management
  • interests
  • hobbies
  • independent play
  • creativity
  • problem-solving skills
  • self-reliance
  • explore
  • discover
What to do next:
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