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Writing Samples
Band 7

The charts below show the percentage of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000 The charts below show the percentage of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000

The charts below show the percentage of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000 The charts below show the percentage of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000
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The bar charts illustrate the proportion of employed men and
women
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 who were 60 to 64 years old in four
countries
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 including
Belgium
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, the
USA
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,
Japan
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, and
Australia
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 in 1970 and 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, what stands out from these figures is that there was a decline in the percentage of working men in all four
countries
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. Among these
countries
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,
Belgium
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 witnessed the highest and
Japan
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 showed the least
rate
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whereas
Linking Words
 there was a rise in the
USA
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 and
Australia
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 in terms of
women
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 and the rest of
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the countries
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countries
Change noun form
countries'
country's
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Use synonyms
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
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 reduced. Regarding Males, in 1970,
Japan
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 had the highest proportion of working males, which declined from 85% to 74% and remained at the top in 2000.
However
Linking Words
, the
rate
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 in
Belgium
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 decreased to 19% in 2000 from 79% in 1970.
Then
Linking Words
, the
USA
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 and
Australia
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 experienced a sharp decline in the
rate
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 of adult employment from 73% and 76% to 55% and 47%, respectively. Regarding
women
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, the
USA
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 had a larger increase in
women
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's employment in 1970, which was 36%,
then
Linking Words
 rose to 39%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there was a rise of 2% in
Australia
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 from 16% to 18% in 2000.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
Belgium
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 and
Japan
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 witnessed a decrease which was from 8% and 43% to 40%. Even though witnessing a drop,
Japan
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 stood top country among these in terms of aged
women
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 employment.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words women, countries, belgium, usa, japan, australia, rate with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stands" was used 2 times.
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