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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The two pie charts give information on the propotion of males and females in employment in six general categories in 1992, they divided into manual and non-manual. Manual occupation includes Craft or similar, General labourers and other manual

The two pie charts give information on the propotion of males and females in employment in six general categories in 1992, they divided into manual and non-manual. Manual occupation includes Craft or similar, General labourers and other manual
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The pie charts illustrate the percentage of men and
mowen
Correct your spelling
women
 in employment in six different categories divided
further
Linking Words
 into two sub-groups, manual and non-manual in the year 1992.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is crystal clear that
while
Linking Words
 people working under general labourers were the lowest, individuals
on
Change preposition
in
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 managerial posts were the highest in
porportion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 among both genders.
To begin
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 with labourers and crafts, there had been a difference of 1% in
Correct article usage
the employent
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employent
Correct your spelling
employment
 ratio of males and females. Meanwhile,
Correct article usage
a noticeble
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noticeble
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noticeable
 trend was seen in
case
Correct article usage
the case
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 of
other manual
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another manual
other manuals
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 as the percentage of boys working in
this
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 field was 21% ahead
from
Change preposition
of
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 girls. Interestingly, females were in
lead
Correct article usage
the lead
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 in
bothclerical
Correct your spelling
both clerical
 and other non-manual jobs, they were 31% and 9%, respectively,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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 men were at 6% only.
Moreover
Linking Words
, 36% was the percentage of males in professional roles which was 7% more than females.

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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