IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The two pie charts give information on the propotion of males and females in employment in six general categories in 1992, they divided into manual and non-manual. Manual occupation includes Craft or similar, General labourers and other manual

The two pie charts give information on the propotion of males and females in employment in six general categories in 1992, they divided into manual and non-manual. Manual occupation includes Craft or similar, General labourers and other manual
#two #information #propotion #males #females #employment #six #categories #occupation #craft #labourers
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The pie charts illustrate the percentage of men and
mowen
Correct your spelling
women
 in employment in six different categories divided
further
Linking Words
 into two sub-groups, manual and non-manual in the year 1992.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is crystal clear that
while
Linking Words
 people working under general labourers were the lowest, individuals
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 managerial posts were the highest in
porportion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 among both genders.
To begin
Linking Words
 with labourers and crafts, there had been a difference of 1% in
Correct article usage
the employent
show examples
employent
Correct your spelling
employment
 ratio of males and females. Meanwhile,
Correct article usage
a noticeble
show examples
noticeble
Correct your spelling
noticeable
 trend was seen in
case
Correct article usage
the case
show examples
 of
other manual
Change the wording
another manual
other manuals
show examples
 as the percentage of boys working in
this
Linking Words
 field was 21% ahead
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 girls. Interestingly, females were in
lead
Correct article usage
the lead
show examples
 in
bothclerical
Correct your spelling
both clerical
 and other non-manual jobs, they were 31% and 9%, respectively,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 men were at 6% only.
Moreover
Linking Words
, 36% was the percentage of males in professional roles which was 7% more than females.
Submitted by k7jassu on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: