IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The bar chart below shows the percentages of children from four countries taking part in four kinds of activities in 2018. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the percentages of children from four countries taking part in four kinds of activities in 2018. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #percentages #children #four #countries #part #kinds #activities #information #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The data illustrates the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
children
Use synonyms
 in
four
Use synonyms
 countries (Malaysia, China, Nigeria, and Sudan) who participated in
four
Use synonyms
 different activities (Computer
games
Use synonyms
, reading, board
games
Use synonyms
, and watching TV) in 2018.
Overall
Linking Words
, computer
games
Use synonyms
 were the most popular activity across all
four
Use synonyms
 nations,
while
Linking Words
 reading had the lowest participation.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
children
Use synonyms
 watching TV remained consistent among all the nations.
Firstly
Linking Words
, computer
games
Use synonyms
 had the highest proportion of participation among all
four
Use synonyms
 nations, with percentages ranging from 40% in China to 60% in Nigeria.
In contrast
Linking Words
, reading had the lowest share, with 20% of
children
Use synonyms
 in Malaysia and only 10% in Sudan and Nigeria engaging in
this
Linking Words
 activity.
Secondly
Linking Words
, all countries had the same proportion of 30% of
children
Use synonyms
 watching television.
While
Linking Words
 board
games
Use synonyms
percentage
Use synonyms
 was the same in Malaysia and China, with a ratio of 25%, it had the same
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
children
Use synonyms
 watching television in Sudan.
Submitted by miss batool on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, children, four, games with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • participation rate
  • bar chart
  • percentage
  • activity
  • comparison
  • trends
  • cultural preferences
  • notable differences
  • popular
  • least popular
  • indoor activities
  • outdoor activities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: