IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The line graph below shows the number of cell phone subscribers in a particular city, by gender. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The line graph below shows the number of cell phone subscribers in a particular city, by gender. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
#line #cell #phone #subscribers #city #gender #information #features #comparisons
The line graph represents
cell
phone
subscribers
 in Marysville among men and women throughout 20
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
show examples
perdiod
Correct your spelling
period
. Hereby,
verical
Correct your spelling
vertical
 shows
subscribers
 amount, horizontal years.
Overall
, females and males in Marysville showed
upward
Correct article usage
an upward
show examples
 trend of
cmobile
Correct your spelling
mobile
phone
 subscribing during 20 years.
However
, is interesting note is that men started to use
cell
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 more than women
since
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2005 up to 2015.
Fistly
Correct your spelling
Firstly
,
In
Change preposition
From
show examples
 1995 up to 2005 females and males faced
dramatic
Correct article usage
a dramatic
show examples
 incline from around 500 users
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to 2500.
Tendency
Add an article
The tendency
show examples
 of the number
cell
Change preposition
of cell
show examples
phone
subscribers
be
Correct your spelling
by
show examples
 both
gender
Change to a plural noun
genders
show examples
 was the same.
However
, since 2005 the picture
was
Verb problem
has
show examples
 changed. The
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
cell
phone
 users, by
men
Add the comma(s)
men,
show examples
 was stable up to 2005, and
after
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
slightly increased
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 around 2750
subscribers
 in 2015. But the women
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
experienced totally different
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
. In 2005 female
phone
 users number had inclined at around 2300 and stabilised in
this
 figure up to 2015.
Submitted by aliyasn86 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words cell, phone, subscribers with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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