IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some food travels long distance from the producers to the consumers. Some people believe that it is better for the environment and economy if people only buy food produced by local farmers. Do you think the advantages of this idea would outweigh the disadvantages?

#food #distance #producers #consumers #people #environment #economy #farmers #idea
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These days, quite many
food
Use synonyms
 is brought a long distance from the producers to the
consumers
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. It is a belief that it is better for the environment
as well as
Linking Words
 for the economy if people only buy locally produced
food
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. On the one hand, there are a lot of benefits, if people obtain
food
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 and other goods from local farmers.
Firstly
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, the
food
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 is much
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
fresh
Replace the word
fresher
show examples
 compared to imported one, as there is no need to travel long
distance
Fix the agreement mistake
distances
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 to reach the
consumers
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.
Besides
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, the
food
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 is
healther
Correct your spelling
healthier
healthy
 as well, as no preservatives are required to keep the
food
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 fresh for a longer time.
Secondly
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, the
food
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 is cheaper, as there are no additional transportation costs.
Moreover
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, in
such
Linking Words
Correct article usage
a way
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way
Add a comma
way,
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 the local economy is supported.
In addition
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, less travelling means less environmental
polution
Correct your spelling
pollution
.
On the other hand
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, there are quite many disadvantages
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
such
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approach
Correct article usage
an approach
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.
It is clear that
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 local farmers cannot ensure the variety of the production.
For instance
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, coffee, tea,
many
Correct word choice
and many
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 fruits and vegetables can be grown only in a particular climate zone. If
such
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 goods cannot be imported, it means that the
consumers
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 from other regions never get
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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.
Also
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, there might be cases when local farmers are not able to
fullfil
Correct your spelling
fulfil
 the
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
 of
local
Add an article
the local
show examples
 population,
for example
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,
due to
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 negative weather conditions, when
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
show examples
 of a harvest is damaged. In summary, there are advantages
as well as
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 disadvantages
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
idea
Add an article
the idea
an idea
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 of buying
food
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 only locally. In my opinion, the more
food
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 people obtain locally, the better it is for the environment, population health and local economy.
However
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, it is not possible to
fullfil
Correct your spelling
fulfil
 all
consumers
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' needs by only having local products.
Therefore
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,
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 of
this
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 idea still do not outweigh the disadvantages.
Submitted by rasav on

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task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, referring to specific types of local produce and specific environmental impacts could make your points more relatable and vivid.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that transitions between ideas are always clear to maintain flow. While your essay is generally coherent, some connections could be made more explicit.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear structure in your essay with a logical introduction, body paragraphs addressing both sides of the argument and a well-summarized conclusion.
task achievement
Your arguments are relevant to the topic and you show a clear understanding of both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic in discussion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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