IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

You were recently disrespected by one of the employees at your local supermarket, Write a letter to the supermarket manager. In your letter ●tell him/her why you were speaking with the employee ●describe the employee's rude behaviour ●explain what you'd like the manager to do

#employees #supermarket #manager #●tell #employee #●describe #behaviour #●explain
Dear Sir or Madam,
While
 at your
store
last
Wendesday
Correct your spelling
Wednesday
, I couldn’t find the cleaning product I needed, and there weren’t any
store
 workers who I
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
 ask for help.
For
this
 reason, I started walking through the neighbouring departments of the
store
 and could not find any employees. I
ham
Correct your spelling
had
show examples
 to
do
Correct your spelling
go
show examples
 to the other end of the
store
, to the sausage
department
 and I asked for help from an employee.
This
 person’s response was extremely unpleasant and inappropriate and so the reason why am writing
this
 letter. At
first
Add a comma
first,
show examples
 he just looked into my eyes,
the
Correct your spelling
then
show examples
 he laughed and picked up the phone. He must have called a colleague from that
department
 and said the following: “Come to
you
Change the pronoun
your
show examples
department
, some dumb can’t find the powder” I am extremely offended by
this
 behaviour, for obvious reasons, and I would like a letter of apology to
be send
Change the verb form
be sent
show examples
 directly from
this
 employee. It seems to have been the only man working in the sausage
department
 that day, so it is not difficult to find who it was.
Moreover
, I expect to receive a letter from him by the end of the week.
Your
Correct the word
Yours
show examples
 sincerely, Mark Twain.
Submitted by nana_skylife on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that paragraphs are focused on a single idea to enhance clarity.
Task Achievement
Maintain a professional tone throughout the letter despite the context.
Task Achievement
The letter addresses all parts of the task, clearly detailing the situation, the behavior, and the desired outcome.
Coherence & Cohesion
The letter includes a clear greeting and closing, making it appropriately formatted for a formal letter.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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