IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. Do you agree or disagree?

#government #investment #arts #music #theatre #waste #money #governments #services
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In recent years, governments have been investing
money
 in Art. Artists are enjoying
this
 help,
however
, it is agreed that these investments are a waste of
money
. So the government must invest
money
 in public
services
instead
. Some
people
 think that investments in arts have great benefits
such
 as music and theater.
However
, investing in public
services
,
such
 as health and
education
 is more sensible. On the one hand, investing
money
 in art has great benefits to the culture.
For instance
,
people
 will improve their knowledge about the arts. Because
people
 will be more interested in cultural activities and they will tend to see more things. Namely, it has grown effects on citizens who try to see exhibitions of music and paintings.
On the other hand
, some
people
 think that government must invest in public
services
 because it has more benefits for citizens. To elaborate, investing
money
 in healthcare and
education
 is more important for all citizens. Because healthcare and
education
 always have a significant place in our lives. Namely, the government should improve these
services
,
first,
rather than investing
money
 in cultural activities. In conclusion, some
people
 agree that investing
money
 in cultural activities
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 has better effects on
people
.
However
, some
people
 agree that investing in public
services
 is more important than everything. I agree that investing
money
 in public
services
,
such
 as healthcare and
education
 will affect our lives more.
Submitted by mcqueensever on

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relevant specific examples
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your argument. For instance, mention specific public service areas in need or successful outcomes from improving healthcare or education.
clear comprehensive ideas
Elaborate on points with more depth. For instance, describe how cultural investments can create jobs or how improvements in education can impact future generations.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, setting the framework and summarizing the viewpoint effectively.
logical structure
There is a logical structure with contrasting viewpoints that support the overall argument, contributing to a coherent flow.
complete response
The points made in the essay demonstrate a balanced view, weighing both sides of the argument, which enhances task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural enrichment
  • expression of creativity
  • promote diversity
  • enhance social cohesion
  • boost tourism
  • job creation
  • stimulate economic growth
  • improve quality of life
  • essential services
  • maintenance and development
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